CRITTERS
(Stephen Herek, 1986)
It's been forever since I've seen any of the first two movies in this franchise - those are the only two I've seen. While rewatching this, I realized I must have not seen it too many times and mostly saw the second film a lot. The only part I vividly recalled was the ending sequence. Basically a knockoff of Gremlins, the film follows a Midwest family under attack by prickly alien beings called Crites. They look like a cross between porcupines and bowling balls, and they're hungry. Mostly fun thanks to how self-aware it is, though it never hits the highs of Gremlins. Decent ensemble cast of some genre faves helps get the tone right. GRADE: B-
CRITTERS 2
(Mick Garris, 1988)
Yes, I saw this a lot as a kid. The second film stands out because its one of the few Easter-set horror films which is probably the only reason it stuck so well in my memory. I don't think it's quite at the level of the first, but it does have more of the old fashion B-movie spirit in its bones - the ending, in particular, with the giant critter ball and the town rallying together. The film finds the kid from the first film (Scott Grimes) visiting his grandmother on Easter weekend when some leftover Crites start wreaking havoc. The bounty hunters return to Earth to destroy them, though one of them takes its form from a Playboy centerfold. Remember when PG-13 movies showed boob? GRADE: C+
CRITTERS 3
(Kristine Peterson, 1991)
A father and his two children return from vacation to their apartment building with some unexpected souvenirs - Crite eggs have attached themselves to their vehicle and are hatched in the building to the horror of the residents. This was direct to VHS and it's about what you'd expect for a direct to VHS film from that era - not good. The only reason this film has any notoriety is that one of the supporting roles is played by future megastar Leonardo DiCaprio in his film debut. His Titanic costar Billy Zane appeared in the first film, so that begs the question when is Kate Winslet going to step foot in the Crittersverse? GRADE: C-
CRITTERS 4
(Rupert Harvey, 1992)
The Crites go into space because so many long running horror franchises need a chapter in space. It's way too much spaceship drama not enough critters, sadly. They don't even really show up until the second act. This has some serious pacing issues, and it makes the critters something they haven't been yet in the franchise: boring. Like the third had Leo, this one has Angela Bassett playing the only woman aboard. She had that swagger honed from the very beginning. GRADE: C-
Here's my thoughts on my rewatch of four John Carpenter films celebrating their anniversaries this year:
ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK
(1981)
I’ve only ever seen this once the whole way through. I liked it but it was far from my favorite Carpenter. I loved it during this viewing. In particular, Cundey’s cinematography – always a highlight in his Carpenter collaborations – was gorgeous. It’s certainly dark! In a futuristic 1997, Manhattan has been turned into a prison and a criminal (Kurt Russell) is hired to the find the president, whose Air Force One has been hijacked and landed on the island. Just a thoroughly great 80’s B-movie blast with a terrific cast playing memorable characters. There’s a remake in preproduction from Zack Snyder, but I’ll believe it when I see it as they’ve been trying to remake this for 15 or so years. GRADE: A-
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA
(1986)
Carpenter’s only fantasy-comedy finds him reunited with Kurt Russell as a trucker who ends up in an underground (literally) ancient war of good vs. evil under San Francisco’s Chinatown. The first hour has way too many exposition dumps with things constantly being introduced and over-explained, but it’s a visual stunner across the board. Russell really excelled and is completely effortless at these everyday working man types. 1980's Kim Cattrall - what a bombshell! I’m curious if this was James Hong’s biggest role prior to Everything Everywhere All At Once. GRADE: B
ESCAPE FROM L.A.
(1996)
Snake Plissken returns in this retread to help the President get back his daughter, who has joined a rebel organization in a cut off island known as Los Angeles. While the design of the apocalyptic L.A. has some clever parts, the film’s structure is way too episodic and the effects are very rough. They were mocked even when this was released thirty years ago – particular the scene of Russell surfing. It does have a fun cast, and it’s funny that at the time the surgery clinic place depicted looked so freakish and now is just a standard episode of a Bravo series. GRADE: B-
GHOSTS OF MARS
(2001)
I think most people consider this to be Carpenter’s worst film, though I’d say that’s The Ward. I can’t help but enjoy this film’s goofy Grade Z-movie charm. Unlike so many of the film’s released over the past two decades that are trying way too hard to be a cult oddity favorite, that comes naturally here. In the future, Mars has been colonized and parts are being mined for their resources when some ancient evil is unleashed inhabiting the workers of an outpost. It’s up to a squad of police officers on a transport of a criminal to stop the supernatural forces. I love that all the ghosts are apparently extras in a metal video. Solid cast! GRADE: B
More anniversary rewatches...
MY BLOODY VALENTINE
(George Mihalka, 1981)
Very Canadian (I think this might have a record of people saying "Soar-ee" to each other) slasher about friends fighting off a killer on Valentine's Day weekend. He might be an escaped convict who murdered two people in a coalmine decades earlier. That mine setting is probably the most unique thing about this fun slasher, as its another one of the umpteen movies from the era centered around a holiday. It is a good one, though, with great kills and a solid ensemble but the whodunit aspect is a bit underwhelming. Nice disquieting ending! I haven't seen the remake in ages, but I recall it being just average. GRADE: B+
THE HITCHER
(Robert Harmon, 1986)
I haven’t seen this since 2002. Strangely, despite a well known title for 80’s horror, it seems to have fallen off the radar perhaps due to rights issues or the ending of the era of late night cable chiller reruns. It did get a direct to DVD sequel in 2003 which I saw but don’t remember, and a dismal Platinum Dunes remake in 2007. A young man (C. Thomas Howell) is stalked across the desolate roads of the American West by a sadistic killer (Rutger Hauer). Both actors are very good, as is Jennifer Jason Leigh and her unforgettable final scene. The star of the show might be John Seale’s fantastic cinematography. This got brutalized by critics when it was released (Siskel and Ebert both gave it zero stars), but I say its one of the best of the road thrillers – one of my favorite horror subgenres. GRADE: B+
THE ARRIVAL
(David Twohy, 1996)
That other alien invasion movie from 1996, though this one is much more lowkey. An astronomer (Charlie Sheen) discovers a signal from the universe that leads to the discovery of a conspiracy to heat the planet to inhospitable levels so Earth can be colonized by aliens. I saw this when it came to VHS, but I couldn’t remember how I felt about it. While not bad, it’s not particularly memorable as far as alien signal/invasion movies go. (The following year’s Contact did a similar part of the storyline much better, minus the whole invasion/conspiracy angle.) The actual alien designs are decent, though I could have lived without seeing Sheen in Mexican-face. Oof. GRADE: C
BAD MOON
(Eric Red, 1996)
I saw this when it came to VHS and hated it, but quite a few others have come to appreciate it over the years. Turns out, I still think it’s mostly bad. A man is attacked by a creature overseas, and returns to his sister and nephew in the Pacific Northwest where he starts a wolf-like transformation at night. Michael Paré is decent, but Jesus what a hot man! Mariel Hemingway doesn’t fare as well, she’s quite bad. (Apparently the director agreed as he is said to bash her quite a bit in the film’s commentary.) The creature effects are okay for the era, but I love that PNW setting/house. It’s another film that probably needed more fleshing out. As nice as those 80 minute runtimes are, most end up being detrimental to the story’s development. GRADE: C-
THE CRAFT
(Andrew Fleming, 1996)
Who amongst us millennials hasn’t played ‘Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board” because of this movie? A mysterious new girl arrives to a California school and is befriended by three outcasts who are interested in the supernatural. The foursome finds together that they have powers and use their new dark abilities to get revenge on their peers. A little bit of Carrie, a little bit of The Witches of Eastwick, a whole lot of 90’s moody Gen X-ness. A slumber party classic with a great soundtrack, the four actresses play off each other well. Fairuza Balk, in particular, is a force. I watched this in 2016 for its 20th but I’m not sure why I never did a write-up for it. I still love it, though in this watch I noticed how obvious Robin Tunney’s wig was due to her Empire Records buzzcut. GRADE: A-
DIABOLIQUE
(Jeremiah S. Chechik, 1996)
I reviewed the original here. The critics had their knives out for this remake which bombed in theaters when released in the spring of that year. I guess they weren’t happy to see a landmark suspense film get turned into a trashy thriller. I liked it when I saw it that summer on VHS, but the story/twist was new to me. When you know what happens, you realize the original did it much better and expertly stuck the landing. At a private school, the headmaster’s wife and mistress conspire to murder him, but their plans go awry when the body goes missing. Sharon Stone is campy fun - dressed and looking fantastic while dropping the occasionally decent one liner. Isabelle Adjani seems lost, sadly. GRADE: C+
FEAR
(James Foley, 1996)
A teen riff on Fatal Attraction finds an architect (William Petersen) concerned about his teenage daughter’s new boyfriend, who as the family comes to learn has a dark and violent side. This is very 90’s (Bush! Pacific Northwest! Alyssa Milano!) in the best way. Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon are very good, and this might be one of the former’s best performances. I think it’s held up pretty well, and it must be said that roller coaster scene is just as sexy and thrilling as ever. It’s proof you can make a sequence like that without any nudity. I remember discussing the film with my 7th grade classmates and how mortified we were to have watched that scene with our parents. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away…” Though it might spark a vicious millennial debate as to whether that song was better used here or on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. GRADE: B+
MARS ATTACKS
(Tim Burton, 1996)
An all star cast was assembled for this mostly fun sendup of 1950’s science fiction yarns. The president, his staff, media, and average citizens watch as Earth gets invaded by Martians intent on destroying our world. Independence Day was released about 5 months prior with a very different tone, and that probably prevented this from having any sort of success. The cast is great across the board and everyone understood the assignment, with Annette Bening probably being my favorite. It runs out of steam considerably in the effects-heavy second half, but there’s enough amusing gags throughout. GRADE: B
TALES FROM THE CRYPT: BORDELLO OF BLOOD
(Gilbert Adler, 1996)
I reviewed the first film here, and the third film here. I never particularly cared for this installment, but it fits into my 1996 retrospective. It's not good at all, favoring a far more comedic approach instead of something scary. The first film balanced the comedy and horror much better, and had a far stronger ensemble. Plus, this really pales in comparison to that other '96 vampire horror film set in a lascivious setting where a reverend helps kill the demons with super soakers. A scummy private eye is searching for a woman's missing brother who vanished after a night at a funeral home that is actually a bordello.
The villain Lilith could have been a fun part but she's played by Angie Everhart who is absolutely terrible. Chris Sarandon is fun in a nice turnaround from his Fright Night character. GRADE: C
MULHOLLAND DR.
(David Lynch, 2001)
Mesmerizing and thrilling neo-noir about the collision of dreams and nightmares, reality and fantasy in and of the city of Los Angeles, focusing on an amnesiac woman trying to figure out her past with the help of an aspiring actress. Many lists that have ranked the top films of the new millennium frequently have this at the top if not close to it, and deservingly so. You don't process this film like most, rather its cumulative effect is meant to be absorbed. Many people's first viewing will be a little disorienting, but repeat viewings allow it come into focus. Naomi Watts delivers a quintessential star-is-born performance. That moment of Rebekah Del Rio performing a cover of Roy Orbinson's "Crying" is one of cinema's greatest. GRADE: A
SCARY MOVIE 2
(Keenen Ivory Wayans, 2001)
Reviewed the first here. The gang from the original along with some dull new characters are asked to spend the weekend at a haunted mansion for a professor’s sleep study. The first had an assortment of recently successful horrors to parody, whereas this went old school and mashes up The Haunting, The Exorcist, and The Legend of Hell House with some other recent pop culture references thrown in. Some of those might be head scratching to people who weren’t alive at the time, and a few times while watching I was like “Ah, I remember that!” The film’s best sequence is a spoof of a Nike ad, though the opening sequence is pretty great. Anna Faris and Regina Hall remain undefeated, though all the scenes with Chris Elliot and David Cross feel like they go on forever. Better than this summer’s limp installment. GRADE: C+
And some first watches to finish this post off...
CAVEAT
(Damian McCarthy, 2020)
I very much enjoyed the director’s recent two films Hokum and Oddity. This showed he had promise from the beginning even if the execution is quite uneven. A man suffering from some memory loss takes a job looking after a disturbed woman on a remote island. Needless to say, things aren’t exactly what they appear and he discovers secrets from both their pasts. This one definitely has atmosphere, but the reveal of what is actually going on kind of lands with a thud. I’m still very much looking forward to what McCarthy does next. GRADE: B-
THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS
(Tim Pope, 1996)
I watched the first film for Horrorfest 2016, but never reviewed it. This is almost a remake of that film, but it removes the gothic elegance for a vibe that can best be compared to a third rate grunge music video. Vincent Perez stars as the new Crow, a murdered mechanic who comes back to seek vengeance against a drug lord and his accomplices. The film has solid cinematography and a strong performance from the always reliable Mia Kirshner, but beyond that it's pretty much garbage. GRADE: D+
FORBIDDEN PLANET
(Fred M. Wilcox, 1956)
After reading about this, I discovered it's the 1950's sci-fi equivalent of Shakespeare's The Tempest. In the 23rd Century, scientists visit a distant planet to find out what happened to a previous expedition. On the strange new world, they find Dr. Morbius and his sexy daughter. Groundbreaking special effects and production design are a highlight of this (surprisingly horny!) classic from a decade where these films dominated. It's an era of sci-fi I haven't explored as much as I'd like to, but I did very much enjoy this. You can see the look of this film had an impact on the design of the original Star Trek. Also, young Leslie Nielsen was a stud. GRADE: B+
GHOSTWATCH
(Lesley Manning, 1992)
A paranormal news show hosts a Halloween night episode live from Britain's allegedly most haunted house where a family is battling spirits in their apartment. Things go the way they do in movies like this. This aired on the BBC Halloween of '92 and apparently a lot of people thought it was legit. The performers are all completely credible and it has some spooky moments, but I found the ending a little too abrupt. Though if this had been made in recent years it would've ended with someone being dragged away screaming. You can definitely feel this TV Movie's fingerprints on a handful of found footage films. GRADE: B
PLAY MISTY FOR ME
(Clint Eastwood, 1971)
This probably has been diluted a tad by a slew of knockoffs and similarly themed films over the years - most notably Fatal Attraction, which I think is better. Eastwood's directorial debut is about a Carmel disc jockey whose affair with a listener turns dangerous when she becomes obsessed with him. Jessica Walter plays the crazy woman in a performance that couldn't be further from her iconic Lucille Bluth. I sadly haven't dived that deep into her other work, but she's stellar here. She earned a well deserved Golden Globe nomination, and is easily the best reason to watch this. GRADE: B-
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