Horrorfest: Somewhere That's Green

New to me...

BEWARE BOIÚNA

(Mike P. Nelson, 2026)

When I watched the trailer, I commented that this looked like the Anaconda reboot that the Anaconda reboot should have been. In the Brazilian Amazon, a group on a humanitarian medical mission comes face to face with a giant snake named Boiúna. I'm always down for a giant creature feature and a jungle adventure movie. While this is watchable, it isn't particularly good. It does have a surprising twist about halfway through. I'm not sure if it was just the newly upgraded theater I saw it in, but this was the best a movie has sounded to me in years. GRADE: C+

DARK HARVEST

(David Slade, 2023)

In 1962, a small Midwest town observes its annual ritual in which teen boys are forced to hunt down a legendary supernatural force named Sawtooth Jack. Slade is a talented director, but it's easy to see why this was moved all over the release schedule before ultimately being dumped on streaming. This might be the most unconvincing depiction of the early sixties in ages, even with the added heightened supernatural tone. GRADE: C-

THE DENTIST

(Brian Yuzna, 1996)

An unstable Los Angeles dentist (Corbin Bernsen) goes fully unhinged after seeing his wife having an affair with the pool man, and starts taking his vengeance out on his various patients. Utilizing our fears of the dentist for a horror movie could yield some good material. Unfortunately, this is just a low budget affair that isn't scary or funny, and doesn't really go anywhere for long stretches. It probably would have been better to make it an all-out dark comedy. A young Mark Ruffalo briefly appears as a beauty pageant's agent, so at least this has that yummy bit. GRADE: D+

HELL NIGHT

(Tom DeSimone, 1981)

Outside of The Exorcist films, I haven't seen much with Linda Blair. She's quite winning and likeable as the lead of this slasher about four college students - two frat and two sorority pledges - who as part of a hazing ritual are forced to spend the night as in a manor where murders took place years before. It's rumored that one of the survivors still lurks on the property. Typical early 80's killer thriller, but nevertheless a fairly fun time. GRADE: B

PIGGY

(Carlota Martínez-Pereda, 2022)

Spanish thriller about a shy overweight teenage girl who works at her family's butcher shop when not getting bullied by her peers. She witnesses her tormentors getting kidnapped by a sadistic killer and develops a strange fascination and even attraction to the mysterious man. Full disclosure: she is not alone. That dude was hot. Laura Galán was very good as the lead, and I was shocked to learn after watching this that she was in her mid 30's when this filmed. GRADE: B

PRACTICAL MAGIC 2

(Susanne Bier, 2026)

Frustrating sequel that finds the Owens' Sisters trying to save one of Sally's daughters from dark forces after she sets out to break the curse that leads to death to any man that loves a woman in their family. The first film was already a genre mashup but this feels like that film crossed with a young adult fantasy. I hate to say it but Kidman is kind of bad here given absolutely nothing to do but be a sidekick and she seems drunk in most scenes. It's hard to care about either of the daughter characters, and the aunts are sadly sidelined. It's not an unpleasant watch, though, no better or worse than the typical Marvel movie. Still love that house! GRADE: C

PULSE

(Kiyoshi Kurosawa, 2001)

After the suicide of a friend, college students discover malevolent supernatural spirits in modern technology trying to come through to our world and wreak havoc. This got an awful remake in 2006, which I guess got its only good moments directly from the source. They probably should have waited a few more years and it would have been fun to incorporate cell phones. (Is that what One Missed Call was? I blocked that remake from my mind.) This was very moody, with great a great score and unsettling use of sound. GRADE: B+

RESIDENT EVIL

(Zach Cregger, 2026)

Fun installment in a wildly inconsistent franchise - the first three are not good movies, but they are totally watchable. The next three range from bad to abominations. Luckily this reboot operates at a much smaller scale until it goes big in the final act. A medical courier making a run in a brutal snowstorm battles a zombie/mutant outbreak on the outskirts of Raccoon City. I said in my Weapons review last year how impressed I was by Austin Abrams and I'm happy to report he makes a very capable leading man. Not as good as Cregger's previous horror-comedies, but an entertaining blast for its runtime. GRADE: B

SHAUN THE SHEEP: THE BEAST OF MOSSY BOTTOM

(Steve Cox & Matthew Walker, 2026)

Is this the year's most fun title to turn into a porno? Certainly not the first movie I've watched where a beast destroys a mossy bottom. It sucks that this is performing so poorly in the theaters, it's barely made three million. Good fall vibes stop motion family film about the Farmer nearly ruining Halloween by destroying the pumpkin patch. His loyal sheep Shaun tries a scientific experiment to save the situation but accidentally turns Farmer into a beast. These movies are ultimately slight, but still a a fun time. GRADE: B

TOURIST TRAP

(David Schmoeller, 1979)

I knew the House of Wax remake was said to be closer to this than the original House of Wax, but after finally seeing this I'm wondering how they got away with pretty blatantly ripping it off? (I still like all three!) After car trouble, a group of young people are taken in by a charming but creepy owner of a roadside attraction with freaky mannequins. Chuck Connors makes a great villain, equal parts charismatic and sleazy. The final act runs a little too long, which is the exact opposite problem the House of Wax remake had. That Tanya Roberts sure was pretty! GRADE: B

WILLARD

(Daniel Mann, 1971)

An introverted young man (Bruce Davison) who is treated poorly at work and emotionally suffocated by his mother develops an unusual kinship with the rats who live on his family's property. I saw the 2003 version of this, and think I liked it. This is a decent oddball character study, the kind only the 70's could have produced. (Was it the cocaine?) Davison has always been an easy actor to like. In a nice link to my watching of the Universal Monsters Movies, Willard's mom is played by Elsa Lanchester, who was the Bride of Frankenstein. GRADE: B

Re-watches...

DEAD & BURIED

(Gary Sherman, 1981)

I saw this some time in the aughts, and found it decent but was a tad baffled by it's cult status. During this rewatch, it clicked nicely for me. But as far as seaside coastal town horrors go, it still doesn't beat The Fog. (The filming locations are just over a hundred miles from each other.) In the town of Potter's Bluff, the sheriff uncovers a conspiracy when bodies start showing up...and then coming back to life. Very good ensemble with terrific effects makeup work by Stan Winston, I mistakenly thought this was another Canadian film. It just has that vibe. GRADE: B+

DONNIE DARKO

(Richard Kelly, 2001 - Theatrical Version)

Allow me to toot my own horn: I was one of the first people pushing this film before it even opened. After falling in love with Jake Gyllenhaal during the trailer for October Sky, I naturally had to anticipate any film with him so this was on my radar long before it developed into a cult favorite. I even did an art project in my senior year based on the film's poster. A mentally ill young man begins having visions of a tall man in a rabbit costume who warns him that the world's end is near. An impressively eclectic cast lead Kelly's great directorial debut. Crazy he only directed two movies since. GRADE: A-

THE FRIGHTENERS

(Peter Jackson, 1996 - Theatrical Version)

I'm glad this has turned into a cult favorite, as I was a fan ever since it came to VHS back in Christmas '96. I've said many times I wish Jackson would ditch the bloated blockbusters and go back to something like this - or even better: Heavenly Creatures. Michael J. Fox stars as a charlatan paranormal investigator with a twist - he can actually see the dead. He uses them to scam people, but that comes to end when an evil supernatural force starts killing people in his seaside town. Decent special effects for the era combined with sharp humor make this an enjoyable watch 30 years on. GRADE: B+

FROM DUSK TILL DAWN

(Robert Rodriguez, 1996)

I doubt I'll be able to get to the two Straight-To-VHS follow-ups. I've seen one of them (Texas Blood Money, I think?) and remember it being bad. Criminal brothers kidnap a preacher's family and take them to a seedy strip club in Mexico where the staff has some bloody surprises for them. A decade before Tarantino & Rodriguez did their Grindhouse feature, this nailed a similar tone: humor, genre thrills, gore, and a very game cast. I was surprised how great Clooney was here. I'd love to see a sequel where he runs into Juliette's character again, and they have to fight vampires. She'd now be a nun. Even bring back Salma Hayek! Gee, wasn't she an absolute smokeshow here! GRADE: A-

THE INNOCENTS

(Jack Clayton, 1961)

Gorgeous adaptation of Henry James' The Turn of the Screw about a governess (Deborah Kerr) of two orphans who begins to suspect their mansion is haunted. Obviously, this was a huge influence on The Others with similar themes and a towering lead actress performance. This seems to be more about sexual repression. Those Victorians! Though there certainly a lot of themes here that can be debated, so these old school haunted house films were never as simple as they first appeared. I saw this in 2006 and the eerie ending definitely stuck with me after all these years. GRADE: A-

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS

(Don Siegel, 1956)

The original classic about a doctor in a small California town treating patients who claim that their loved ones are "off". He soon realizes they are right and a conspiracy emerges in which people are being replaced by pod people formed by alien-like plants. The 1978 and 1993 remakes are both great, but the less said about the 2007 version the better. (Sorry, Nicole!) Given the timeline of the remakes, I guess we are due for a new one soon. How social media would be incorporated in the story would probably be the biggest difference in terms of the previous films. Aren't our phones already making us pod people? GRADE: A-

JEEPERS CREEPERS

(Victor Salva, 2001)

On a spring break road trip home, a brother and sister encounter a monstrous figure appearing to dump a body in a sewer pipe. After investigating, they find themselves in a cat and mouse game with an ancient evil. Justin Long and Gina Philips are good and have a natural chemistry as the leads, while Jonathan Breck and his makeup deliver as the villain. I wish the part of the psychic had been rewritten, though. I think I prefer the second film to this, the third was okay, and I hated the fourth which I reviewed here. While watching, I thought they should have done a prequel set in '78 or '55. Also, to kill The Creeper, couldn't they just bury him in concrete??? GRADE: B+

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS

(Frank Oz, 1986) 

Been ages since I've watched this, as its another one that was a staple during my upbringing. A bright musical comedy that was previously an Off Broadway show based on a cult sci-fi/horror film from the early '60s, the film follows a nerdy plant shop worker who discovers a new mysterious plant is a carnivore and is craving people to eat. I've never seen the original film, but I always loved this. The cast nails the tone, in particular Ellen Greene's show-stopping work as Audrey. Crazy she didn't become a massive star after this, but I always enjoy seeing her pop up in stuff. GRADE: A-

POLTERGEIST

(Gil Kenan, 2015)

Yeah, this is a rather random rewatch, but my 9-year-old nephew wanted something to watch and didn't like my other suggestions. He ended up liking it, saying "That's the kind of horror movie I like" referring to horror fare that goes into other dimensions/realms. I reviewed it previously here, and I stand by my initial assessment. GRADE: B

STEPHEN KING'S THINNER

(Tom Holland, 1996)

I remember this being bad, but man is it awful. An overweight lawyer distracted by his wife blowing him accidentally hits and kills a gypsy, and her father puts a curse on him to lose a few pounds each day. Ozempic Me To Hell?? Holland doesn't get the tone right, it would have worked better if it leaned all the way into dark comedy and/or body horror. Robert John Burke just looks uncomfortable in the fat suit, and the less said about the portrayal of the gypsies the better. It might have a made half decent episode of Tales From the Crypt. GRADE: D-

Horrorfest: Monster Mash - The Universal Monster Movies!

I'll be doing these for October. Instead of just an all-in-one post drop, I'm going to add them as I watch them. 

DRACULA

(Tod Browning, 1931)

"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make!" Now, that's a line! I'm off to a very good start with Bela Lugosi's portrayal of the Bram Stoker villain. Beautifully gothic with jaw dropping production design and cinematography, this is the tale of Dracula as he kills many and pines for the beautiful Mina. This is only the second Browning film I've seen, I saw Freaks many years ago and loved it. Lugosi is obviously iconic, but I also really loved Dwight Frye as Renfield. GRADE: A-

FRANKENSTEIN

(James Whale, 1931)

The definitive torch-wielding villagers movie! I think more movies should have torch-wielding villagers. Boris Karloff stars as the monster who was created when a mad scientist (Colin Clive) electrocuted various body parts from cadavers. Like Dracula, it's a visual marvel. In particular, I love the use of height in the film as there are various awesome shots that depict the altitudes of the castles and the windmill in the film's climax. Karloff is moving, managing to create genuine emotion without words. GRADE: A

THE MUMMY

(Karl Freund, 1932)

Are all these movies using "Swan Lake"? An archeological dig uncovers an ancient high priest who comes back from the dead. Years later, he's a seemingly normal historian who plans to use a woman as a vessel to bring back his long dead love.  This doesn't quite have the grandiosity of the previous films. Again, great production design and makeup - it's staggering just how seminal the makeup work in these films was. I was a tad disappointed that the iconic image of a mummy wrapped in cloth was barely used here, though Karloff continues to impress. GRADE: B+

THE INVISIBLE MAN

(James Whale, 1933)

Proprietors of an inn grow suspicious of a mysterious guest (Claude Rains) who checked in during a blizzard. Covered in bandages, his room filled with chemicals, he just might be a missing scientist who went mad.  Considerably more comedic than the previous Monster Universe entries, this must have been quite a visual shock to audiences nearly a century ago due to its groundbreaking visual effects. Rains' layered vocal work is terrific, but I loved Una O'Connor as the histrionic inn owner. Future Titanic Oscar-nominee Gloria Stuart also appears. GRADE: B+

BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN

(James Whale, 1935)

For some reason I was not aware that this was just the second half of Mary Shelley's novel that the first Frankenstein did not cover. There's even a meta aspect at the beginning, something the recent mess The Bride! also did. With his monster still on the run, Dr. Frankenstein is blackmailed into continuing his experiments by his former mentor. The idea: give the monster a girlfriend. This was the first of the series to get an Oscar nomination: Sound Recording. The other technical aspects remain excellent, particularly the cinematography. GRADE: A-

WEREWOLF OF LONDON

(Stuart Walker, 1935)

Ah-hoo! I had assumed The Wolf Man would be the first of the werewolf films in this series, but this preceded that by six years. A botanist (Henry Hull) is bitten by a creature in Tibet while searching for a rare flower. When he returns to London, he starts turning into a werewolf at night and murdering people. Excellent makeup work is a highlight, and the subtle way he's filmed when he first transitions is quite cool. Otherwise, this doesn't hit the highs of the previous films in the series. I loved the drunk old ladies. I kind of wish this had just been them versus the werewolf. GRADE: B

DRACULA'S DAUGHTER

(Lambert Hillyer, 1936)

Like Bride of Frankestein, this takes place almost immediately after its predecessor. After Dracula's death, his daughter travels to London to try and free herself of the vampiric curse. She seeks the help of a psychiatrist but soon finds herself wanting to turn him into one of the undead. Gloria Holden plays the titular role, and she's very alluring. There's some nice lesbian undertones, but I did laugh quite a bit about how that Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" parodied the "police are baffled" moment. GRADE: B

SON OF FRANKENSTEIN

(Rowland V. Lee, 1939)

My dumbass mind getting ready to watch this wondering when did Frankenstein and his Bride have a kid and then I remembered Frankenstein is the scientist not the monster. The son of Dr. Frankenstein takes over his estate against the wishes of the local villagers. With the help of Ygor, he finds out that the monster is still alive and must decide to continue his father's experiments. This has some gorgeous design that feels very different from the previous films, a bit more expressionistic. It's also the longest film so far - clocking in at an epic 99 minutes. GRADE: B

THE INVISIBLE MAN RETURNS

(Joe May, 1940)

A man wrongfully accused of killing his brother is sentenced to death, but before his execution his doctor friend renders him invisible so they can figure out who the real killer is. I didn't even realize until the credits that the Invisible Man this time was played/voiced by Vincent Price. He's probably the most interesting thing about this, which takes an even more comic/dramatic tone than the first. I wish they had done a bit more with the bit where they try to "smoke out" the Invisible Man, that would have made things a bit more suspenseful. GRADE: C+

Horrorfest: John Carpenter's Critters of Mars

Here's my thoughts on the Critters films. There is a fifth one that came out in 2019, but I don't feel like spending $6 for a digital rental. 

CRITTERS

(Stephen Herek, 1986)

It's been forever since I've seen any of the first two movies in this franchise - those are the only two I've seen. While rewatching this, I realized I must have not seen it too many times and mostly saw the second film a lot. The only part I vividly recalled was the ending sequence. Basically a knockoff of Gremlins, the film follows a Midwest family under attack by prickly alien beings called Crites. They look like a cross between porcupines and bowling balls, and they're hungry. Mostly fun thanks to how self-aware it is, though it never hits the highs of Gremlins. Decent ensemble cast of some genre faves helps get the tone right. GRADE: B-

CRITTERS 2

(Mick Garris, 1988)

Yes, I saw this a lot as a kid. The second film stands out because its one of the few Easter-set horror films which is probably the only reason it stuck so well in my memory. I don't think it's quite at the level of the first, but it does have more of the old fashion B-movie spirit in its bones -  the ending, in particular, with the giant critter ball and the town rallying together. The film finds the kid from the first film (Scott Grimes) visiting his grandmother on Easter weekend when some leftover Crites start wreaking havoc. The bounty hunters return to Earth to destroy them, though one of them takes its form from a Playboy centerfold. Remember when PG-13 movies showed boob? GRADE: C+

CRITTERS 3

(Kristine Peterson, 1991)

A father and his two children return from vacation to their apartment building with some unexpected souvenirs - Crite eggs have attached themselves to their vehicle and are hatched in the building to the horror of the residents. This was direct to VHS and it's about what you'd expect for a direct to VHS film from that era - not good. The only reason this film has any notoriety is that one of the supporting roles is played by future megastar Leonardo DiCaprio in his film debut. His Titanic costar Billy Zane appeared in the first film, so that begs the question when is Kate Winslet going to step foot in the Crittersverse? GRADE: C-

CRITTERS 4

(Rupert Harvey, 1992)

The Crites go into space because so many long running horror franchises need a chapter in space. It's way too much spaceship drama not enough critters, sadly. They don't even really show up until the second act. This has some serious pacing issues, and it makes the critters something they haven't been yet in the franchise: boring. Like the third had Leo, this one has Angela Bassett playing the only woman aboard. She had that swagger honed from the very beginning. GRADE: C-

Here's my thoughts on my rewatch of four John Carpenter films celebrating their anniversaries this year:

ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK

(1981)

I’ve only ever seen this once the whole way through. I liked it but it was far from my favorite Carpenter. I loved it during this viewing. In particular, Cundey’s cinematography – always a highlight in his Carpenter collaborations – was gorgeous. It’s certainly dark! In a futuristic 1997, Manhattan has been turned into a prison and a criminal (Kurt Russell) is hired to the find the president, whose Air Force One has been hijacked and landed on the island. Just a thoroughly great 80’s B-movie blast with a terrific cast playing memorable characters. There’s a remake in preproduction from Zack Snyder, but I’ll believe it when I see it as they’ve been trying to remake this for 15 or so years. GRADE: A-

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA

(1986)

Carpenter’s only fantasy-comedy finds him reunited with Kurt Russell as a trucker who ends up in an underground (literally) ancient war of good vs. evil under San Francisco’s Chinatown. The first hour has way too many exposition dumps with things constantly being introduced and over-explained, but it’s a visual stunner across the board. Russell really excelled and is completely effortless at these everyday working man types. 1980's Kim Cattrall - what a bombshell! I’m curious if this was James Hong’s biggest role prior to Everything Everywhere All At Once. GRADE: B

ESCAPE FROM L.A.

(1996)

Snake Plissken returns in this retread to help the President get back his daughter, who has joined a rebel organization in a cut off island known as Los Angeles. While the design of the apocalyptic L.A. has some clever parts, the film’s structure is way too episodic and the effects are very rough. They were mocked even when this was released thirty years ago – particular the scene of Russell surfing. It does have a fun cast, and it’s funny that at the time the surgery clinic place depicted looked so freakish and now is just a standard episode of a Bravo series. GRADE: B-

GHOSTS OF MARS

(2001)

I think most people consider this to be Carpenter’s worst film, though I’d say that’s The Ward. I can’t help but enjoy this film’s goofy Grade Z-movie charm. Unlike so many of the film’s released over the past two decades that are trying way too hard to be a cult oddity favorite, that comes naturally here. In the future, Mars has been colonized and parts are being mined for their resources when some ancient evil is unleashed inhabiting the workers of an outpost. It’s up to a squad of police officers on a transport of a criminal to stop the supernatural forces. I love that all the ghosts are apparently extras in a metal video. Solid cast! GRADE: B

More anniversary rewatches...

MY BLOODY VALENTINE

(George Mihalka, 1981)

Very Canadian (I think this might have a record of people saying "Soar-ee" to each other) slasher about friends fighting off a killer on Valentine's Day weekend. He might be an escaped convict who murdered two people in a coalmine decades earlier. That mine setting is probably the most unique thing about this fun slasher, as its another one of the umpteen movies from the era centered around a holiday. It is a good one, though, with great kills and a solid ensemble but the whodunit aspect is a bit underwhelming. Nice disquieting ending! I haven't seen the remake in ages, but I recall it being just average. GRADE: B+

THE HITCHER

(Robert Harmon, 1986)

I haven’t seen this since 2002. Strangely, despite a well known title for 80’s horror, it seems to have fallen off the radar perhaps due to rights issues or the ending of the era of late night cable chiller reruns. It did get a direct to DVD sequel in 2003 which I saw but don’t remember, and a dismal Platinum Dunes remake in 2007. A young man (C. Thomas Howell) is stalked across the desolate roads of the American West by a sadistic killer (Rutger Hauer). Both actors are very good, as is Jennifer Jason Leigh and her unforgettable final scene. The star of the show might be John Seale’s fantastic cinematography. This got brutalized by critics when it was released (Siskel and Ebert both gave it zero stars), but I say its one of the best of the road thrillers – one of my favorite horror subgenres. GRADE: B+

THE ARRIVAL

(David Twohy, 1996)

That other alien invasion movie from 1996, though this one is much more lowkey. An astronomer (Charlie Sheen) discovers a signal from the universe that leads to the discovery of a conspiracy to heat the planet to inhospitable levels so Earth can be colonized by aliens. I saw this when it came to VHS, but I couldn’t remember how I felt about it. While not bad, it’s not particularly memorable as far as alien signal/invasion movies go. (The following year’s Contact did a similar part of the storyline much better, minus the whole invasion/conspiracy angle.) The actual alien designs are decent, though I could have lived without seeing Sheen in Mexican-face. Oof. GRADE: C

BAD MOON

(Eric Red, 1996)

I saw this when it came to VHS and hated it, but quite a few others have come to appreciate it over the years. Turns out, I still think it’s mostly bad. A man is attacked by a creature overseas, and returns to his sister and nephew in the Pacific Northwest where he starts a wolf-like transformation at night. Michael Paré is decent, but Jesus what a hot man! Mariel Hemingway doesn’t fare as well, she’s quite bad. (Apparently the director agreed as he is said to bash her quite a bit in the film’s commentary.) The creature effects are okay for the era, but I love that PNW setting/house. It’s another film that probably needed more fleshing out. As nice as those 80 minute runtimes are, most end up being detrimental to the story’s development. GRADE: C-

THE CRAFT

(Andrew Fleming, 1996)

Who amongst us millennials hasn’t played ‘Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board” because of this movie? A mysterious new girl arrives to a California school and is befriended by three outcasts who are interested in the supernatural. The foursome finds together that they have powers and use their new dark abilities to get revenge on their peers. A little bit of Carrie, a little bit of The Witches of Eastwick, a whole lot of 90’s moody Gen X-ness. A slumber party classic with a great soundtrack, the four actresses play off each other well. Fairuza Balk, in particular, is a force. I watched this in 2016 for its 20th but I’m not sure why I never did a write-up for it. I still love it, though in this watch I noticed how obvious Robin Tunney’s wig was due to her Empire Records buzzcut. GRADE: A-

DIABOLIQUE

(Jeremiah S. Chechik, 1996)

I reviewed the original here. The critics had their knives out for this remake which bombed in theaters when released in the spring of that year. I guess they weren’t happy to see a landmark suspense film get turned into a trashy thriller. I liked it when I saw it that summer on VHS, but the story/twist was new to me. When you know what happens, you realize the original did it much better and expertly stuck the landing. At a private school, the headmaster’s wife and mistress conspire to murder him, but their plans go awry when the body goes missing. Sharon Stone is campy fun - dressed and looking fantastic while dropping the occasionally decent one liner. Isabelle Adjani seems lost, sadly. GRADE: C+

FEAR

(James Foley, 1996)

A teen riff on Fatal Attraction finds an architect (William Petersen) concerned about his teenage daughter’s new boyfriend, who as the family comes to learn has a dark and violent side. This is very 90’s (Bush! Pacific Northwest! Alyssa Milano!) in the best way. Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon are very good, and this might be one of the former’s best performances. I think it’s held up pretty well, and it must be said that roller coaster scene is just as sexy and thrilling as ever. It’s proof you can make a sequence like that without any nudity. I remember discussing the film with my 7th grade classmates and how mortified we were to have watched that scene with our parents. “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away…” Though it might spark a vicious millennial debate as to whether that song was better used here or on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. GRADE: B+

MARS ATTACKS

(Tim Burton, 1996)

An all star cast was assembled for this mostly fun sendup of 1950’s science fiction yarns. The president, his staff, media, and average citizens watch as Earth gets invaded by Martians intent on destroying our world. Independence Day was released about 5 months prior with a very different tone, and that probably prevented this from having any sort of success. The cast is great across the board and everyone understood the assignment, with Annette Bening probably being my favorite. It runs out of steam considerably in the effects-heavy second half, but there’s enough amusing gags throughout. GRADE: B

TALES FROM THE CRYPT: BORDELLO OF BLOOD

(Gilbert Adler, 1996)

I reviewed the first film here, and the third film here. I never particularly cared for this installment, but it fits into my 1996 retrospective. It's not good at all, favoring a far more comedic approach instead of something scary. The first film balanced the comedy and horror much better, and had a far stronger ensemble. Plus, this really pales in comparison to that other '96 vampire horror film set in a lascivious setting where a reverend helps kill the demons with super soakers. A scummy private eye is searching for a woman's missing brother who vanished after a night at a funeral home that is actually a bordello. 

The villain Lilith could have been a fun part but she's played by Angie Everhart who is absolutely terrible. Chris Sarandon is fun in a nice turnaround from his Fright Night character. GRADE: C

MULHOLLAND DR.

(David Lynch, 2001)

Mesmerizing and thrilling neo-noir about the collision of dreams and nightmares, reality and fantasy in and of the city of Los Angeles, focusing on an amnesiac woman trying to figure out her past with the help of an aspiring actress. Many lists that have ranked the top films of the new millennium frequently have this at the top if not close to it, and deservingly so. You don't process this film like most, rather its cumulative effect is meant to be absorbed. Many people's first viewing will be a little disorienting, but repeat viewings allow it come into focus. Naomi Watts delivers a quintessential star-is-born performance. That moment of Rebekah Del Rio performing a cover of Roy Orbinson's "Crying" is one of cinema's greatest. GRADE: A

SCARY MOVIE 2

(Keenen Ivory Wayans, 2001)

Reviewed the first here. The gang from the original along with some dull new characters are asked to spend the weekend at a haunted mansion for a professor’s sleep study. The first had an assortment of recently successful horrors to parody, whereas this went old school and mashes up The Haunting, The Exorcist, and The Legend of Hell House with some other recent pop culture references thrown in. Some of those might be head scratching to people who weren’t alive at the time, and a few times while watching I was like “Ah, I remember that!” The film’s best sequence is a spoof of a Nike ad, though the opening sequence is pretty great. Anna Faris and Regina Hall remain undefeated, though all the scenes with Chris Elliot and David Cross feel like they go on forever. Better than this summer’s limp installment. GRADE: C+

And some first watches to finish this post off...

CAVEAT

(Damian McCarthy, 2020)

I very much enjoyed the director’s recent two films Hokum and Oddity. This showed he had promise from the beginning even if the execution is quite uneven. A man suffering from some memory loss takes a job looking after a disturbed woman on a remote island. Needless to say, things aren’t exactly what they appear and he discovers secrets from both their pasts. This one definitely has atmosphere, but the reveal of what is actually going on kind of lands with a thud. I’m still very much looking forward to what McCarthy does next. GRADE: B-

THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS

(Tim Pope, 1996)

I watched the first film for Horrorfest 2016, but never reviewed it. This is almost a remake of that film, but it removes the gothic elegance for a vibe that can best be compared to a third rate grunge music video. Vincent Perez stars as the new Crow, a murdered mechanic who comes back to seek vengeance against a drug lord and his accomplices. The film has solid cinematography and a strong performance from the always reliable Mia Kirshner, but beyond that it's pretty much garbage. GRADE: D+

FORBIDDEN PLANET

(Fred M. Wilcox, 1956)

After reading about this, I discovered it's the 1950's sci-fi equivalent of Shakespeare's The Tempest. In the 23rd Century, scientists visit a distant planet to find out what happened to a previous expedition. On the strange new world, they find Dr. Morbius and his sexy daughter. Groundbreaking special effects and production design are a highlight of this (surprisingly horny!) classic from a decade where these films dominated. It's an era of sci-fi I haven't explored as much as I'd like to, but I did very much enjoy this.  You can see the look of this film had an impact on the design of the original Star Trek. Also, young Leslie Nielsen was a stud. GRADE: B+

GHOSTWATCH 

(Lesley Manning, 1992)

A paranormal news show hosts a Halloween night episode live from Britain's allegedly most haunted house where a family is battling spirits in their apartment. Things go the way they do in movies like this. This aired on the BBC Halloween of '92 and apparently a lot of people thought it was legit. The performers are all completely credible and it has some spooky moments, but I found the ending a little too abrupt. Though if this had been made in recent years it would've ended with someone being dragged away screaming. You can definitely feel this TV Movie's fingerprints on a handful of found footage films. GRADE: B

PLAY MISTY FOR ME

(Clint Eastwood, 1971)

This probably has been diluted a tad by a slew of knockoffs and similarly themed films over the years - most notably Fatal Attraction, which I think is better. Eastwood's directorial debut is about a Carmel disc jockey whose affair with a listener turns dangerous when she becomes obsessed with him. Jessica Walter plays the crazy woman in a performance that couldn't be further from her iconic Lucille Bluth. I sadly haven't dived that deep into her other work, but she's stellar here. She earned a well deserved Golden Globe nomination, and is easily the best reason to watch this. GRADE: B-

Recently Watched Movies (July - 2026)

*

*

The Invisible Man Returns (May, 1940) - C+

Son of Frankenstein (Lee, 1939) - B

Beware Boiúna (Nelson, 2026) - C+

Digger (Iñárritu, 2026) - C+

Dracula's Daughter (Hillyer, 1936) - B

Werewolf of London (Walker, 1935) - B

Bride of Frankenstein (Whale, 1935) - A-

Willard (Mann, 1971) - B

Beavis and Butthead Do America (Judge, 1996) - B

Stephen King's Thinner (Holland, 1996) - D-

The Invisible Man (Whale, 1933) - B+

Poltergeist (Kenan, 2015) - B

Tuner (Roher, 2026) - B+

The Mummy (Freund, 1932) - B+

Jeepers Creepers (Salva, 2001) - B+

The Dentist (Yuzna, 1996) - D+

Frankenstein (Whale, 1931) - A

Practical Magic 2 (Bier, 2026) - C

Dracula (Browning, 1931) - A-

Resident Evil (Cregger, 2026) - B

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (Siegel, 1956) - A-

Mars Attacks (Burton, 1996) - B

Forgotten Island (Crawford & Mercado, 2026) - B

Forbidden Planet (Wilcox, 1956) - B+

Big Night (Scott & Tucci, 1996) - B+

The Crow: City of Angels (Pope, 1996) - D+

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (Spielberg, 2001) - B+

Mulholland Dr. (Lynch, 2001) - A

My Bloody Valentine (Mihalka, 1981) - B+

Play Misty For Me (Eastwood, 1971) - B-

Tales From the Cyrpt: Bordello of Bood (Adler, 1996) - C

The Hitcher (Harmon, 1986) - B+

Gilda (Vidor, 1946) - B+

Scary Movie 2 (Wayans, 2001) - C+

The Furious (Tanigaki, 2026) - B

Fear (Foley, 1996) - B+

*

*

The Arrival (Twohy, 1996) - C

The Weight (McKinley, 2026) - B

Coyote Vs. Acme (Green, 2026) - B

Caveat (McCarthy, 2020) - B-

Ghostwatch (Manning, 1992) - B

Critters 4 (Harvey, 1992) - C-

Shaun the Sheep: The Beast of Mossy Bottom (Cox & Walker, 2026) - B

Hell Night (DeSimone, 1981) - B

Dark Harvest (Slade, 2023) - C-

Piggy (Martínez-Pereda, 2022) - B

Tourist Trap (Schmoeller, 1979) - B

The Craft (Fleming, 1996) - A-

The Frighteners (Jackson, 1996) - B+

Pulse (Kurosawa, 2001) - B+

Critters 3 (Peterson, 1991) - C-

Donnie Darko (Kelly, 2001) - A-

Little Shop of Horrors (Oz, 1986) - A-

Bad Moon (Red, 1996) - C-

By Any Means (Bratton, 2026) - C

Critters 2 (Garris, 1988)

Hope (Na, 2026) - B-

The Money Pit (Benjamin, 1986) - C+

Habit (Fessenden, 1997) - B+

Red Rooms (Plante, 2024) - A-

Saccharine (James, 2026) - B-

Whistle (Hardy, 2026) - B-

Ghosts of Mars (Carpenter, 2001) - B

Big Trouble In Little China (Carpenter, 1986) - B

This Is Not a Test (MacDonald, 2026) - D+

Night Patrol (Prows, 2026) - C

From Dusk Till Dawn (Rodriguez, 1996) - A-

Diabolique (Chechik, 1996) - C+

Sorority House Massacre (Frank, 1986) - C-

Chopping Mall (Wynorski, 1986) - B-

Runner (Waugh, 2026) - C-

Onslaught (Wingard, 2026) - C+

The Last Picture Show (Bogdanovich, 1971) - A

The Innocents (Clayton, 1961) - A-

A Bay of Blood (Bava, 1971) - C+

The Sun Never Sets (Swanberg, 2026) - C+

The Dog Stars (Scott, 2026) - C+

The Prowler (Zito, 1981)

The Thing From Another World (Nyby, 1951) - B+

Dead & Buried (Sherman, 1981) - B+

Grizzly (Girdler, 1976) - B-

Escape From L.A. (Carpenter, 1996) - B-

The Darkest Hour (Gorak, 2011) - C-

Graduation Day (Freed, 1981) - C

King Kong (Guillermin, 1976) - C+

Return to Silent Hill (Gans, 2026) - D

Hell House LLC (Cognetti, 2015) - C

Critters (Herek, 1986) - B-

Escape From New York (Carpenter, 1981) - A-

The Searchers (Ford, 1956) - B+

A Clockwork Orange (Kubrick, 1971) - A-

*

A Streetcar Named Desire (Kazan, 1951) - A-

Cast a Deadly Spell (Campbell, 1991) - C+

Tony (Johnson, 2026) - B+

Caddo Lake (George & Held, 2024) - B

Salem's Lot (Dauberman, 2024) - C

Finding Emily (MacDonald, 2026) - B-

The Battle of Algiers (Pontecorvo, 1966) - A-

Fly Away Home (Ballard, 1996) - B+

Masculin Féminin (Godard, 1966) - A-

Jerry Maguire (Crowe, 1996) - B

Quo Vadis (LeRoy, 1951) - B-

The Long Kiss Goodnight (Harlin, 1996) - B+

The Misfits (Huston, 1961) - B+

The Chase (Penn, 1966) - B-

One Million Years B.C. (Chaffey, 1966) - B

Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma (Schoenbrun, 2026) - B-

The Magic Faraway Tree (Gregor, 2026) -  C+

My Dinner With Andre (Malle, 1981) - A-

Spa Weekend (Lucas & Moore, 2026) - C-

The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (Cassavetes, 1976) - B

Insidious: Out of the Further (Chase, 2026) - C+

Cold Storage (Campbell, 2026) - C

Mutiny (Richet, 2026) - C

Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills (Berlinger & Sinofsky, 1996) - A-

Reds (Beatty, 1981) - A-

Assault on Precinct 13 (Carpenter, 1976) - A

Body Heat (Kasdan, 1981) - A-

Deep Water (Harlin, 2026) - C-

Emma (McGrath, 1996) - B

Thief (Mann, 1981) - B+

Sexy Beast (Glazer, 2001) - B+

Mother Mary (Lowery, 2026) - B+

The End of Oak Street (Mitchell, 2026) - B+

Rashomon (Kurosawa, 1951) - A-

Down By Law (Jarmusch, 1986) - B+

The Prince of Tides (Streisand, 1991) - B-

The Odyssey (Nolan, 2026) - B+

Victim (Dearden, 1961) - B+

Your Name. (Shinkai, 2016) - B

Secrets & Lies (Leigh, 1996) - A

Excalibur (Boorman, 1981) - C

In Love and War (Attenborough, 1996) - C

Legally Blonde (Luketic, 2001) - B+

Starter For 10 (Vaughan, 2006) - B+

EO (Skolimowski, 2022) - B+

Yojimbo (Kurosawa, 1961) - B

The Sandlot (Evans, 1993) - B

Paris Is Burning (Livingston, 1991) - A

Fat Girl (Breillat, 2001) - B+

Harlan County USA (Kopple, 1976) - A-

Super Troopers 3 (Chandrasekhar, 2026) - C-

One Night Only (Gluck, 2026) - C+

Mona Lisa (Jordan, 1986) - B+

Citizen Kane (Welles, 1941) - A

The Bride! (Gyllenhaal, 2026) - C

If These Walls Could Talk (Savoca & Cher, 1996) - B

Pillion (Lighton, 2025) - B+

Letters From Iwo Jima (Eastwood, 2006) - B+

How To Make a Killing (Ford, 2026) - B

Brief Encounter (Lean, 1946) - A-

Dust Bunny (Fuller, 2025) - B-

Mr. Deeds Goes To Town (Capra, 1936) - B+

Ridicule (Leconte, 1996) - B+

Old Joy (Reichardt, 2006) - A-

Dead of Winter (Kirk, 2025) - B

The Proposition (Hillcoat, 2006) - B+

That Hamilton Woman (Korda, 1941) - B+

Breaking the Waves (von Trier, 1996) - B+

Memento (Nolan, 2001) - B+

Waking Life (Linklater, 2001) - B-

Spider-Man: Brand New Day (Cretton, 2026) - C

Pretty In Pink (Deutch, 1986) - B

The Best Years of Our Lives (Wyler, 1946) - A-

Grand Canyon (Kasdan, 1991) - B

Stonewall (Finch, 1996) - B

Miami Vice (Mann, 2006) - B

The Tailor of Panama (Boorman, 2001) - C

Blow-Up (Antonioni, 1966) - B+

Modern Times (Chaplin, 1936) - A-

Haunted Heist (Howery, 2026) - D

City Lights (Chaplin, 1931) - A

La Cérémonie (Chabrol, 1996) - A-

Her Private Hell (Refn, 2026) - D

My Man Godfrey (La Cava, 1936) - B+

Motor City (Ponciroli, 2026) - B-

The Little Foxes (Wyler, 1941) - A-

Fiddler on the Roof (Jewison, 1971) - B

All the King's Men (Zaillian, 2006) - C-

Platoon (Stone, 1986) - A-

The Killing (Kubrick, 1956) - A-

The Good Shepherd (De Niro, 2006) - C+

Annette (Carax, 2021) - C

The Invite (Wilde, 2026) - B+

Hoosiers (Anspaugh, 1986) - B-

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (Hewitt, 1991) - C+

The Birdcage (Nichols, 1996) - B+

Walkabout (Roeg, 1971) - A-

A Safe Place (Jaglom, 1971) - B-

9 1/2 Weeks (Lyne, 1986) - B+

The Pallbearer (Reeves, 1996) - B+

Heartbreakers (Mirkin, 2001) - C+

Not Another Teen Movie (Gallen, 2001) - B

History of the World - Part 1 (Brooks, 1981) - B-

Evil Dead Burn (Vaniček, 2026) - C+

New Jack City (Van Peeples, 1991) - C

Moana (Kail, 2026) - C-

Silent Movie (Brooks, 1976) - B

The Public Enemy (Wellman, 1931) - B+

Beauty and the Beast (Trousdale & Wise, 1991) - B+

Hot Shots! (Abrahams, 1991) - B+

Thelma and Louise (Scott, 1991) - A

The Fox and the Hound (Berman, Rich & Stevens, 1981) - B

Backrooms (Parsons, 2026) - C+

Obsession (Barker, 2026) - B

Minions & Monsters (Coffin, 2026) - B-

Twister (de Bont, 1996) - B

Heavy (Mangold, 1996) - B-

Flower Drum Song (Koster, 1961) - B-

Young Washington (Erwin, 2026) - C-

Supergirl (Gillespie, 2026) - C

Horrorfest: The Thing From Another Thing

This year, I'm accepting my own challenge of doing the Universal Monsters Movies. There are 30 in the box set, so I'm gonna try to get as many as possible. I'll also do most of the Critters films, some Hitchcock, some Carpenter, the last Wes Craven theatrical release I haven't seen, and some anniversary rewatches - with an emphasis on 1996 & 2001 fitting with my theme for the year.

First entry includes some recent theatrical/streaming/Shudder titles, and lesser known 70s/80s stuff - all first time watches.

A BAY OF BLOOD

(Mario Bava, 1971)

After a wealthy woman is murdered and her death staged as a suicide, more bodies pile up as various people vie for her estate. This is considered to be one of the original slasher movies with a body count, sort of a slasher Knives Out. It's only 80 minutes and feels padded even for that, with characters introduced with little explanation. There are several cuts of this, so maybe one of the other ones explains things. GRADE: C+

CADDO LAKE

(Logan George & Celine Held, 2024)

I didn't know this was produced by M. Night Shyamalan, but guessed it was halfway through. A man who recently lost his mother in a car accident discovers a young girl in a Louisiana swamp. As her family looks for her, the narratives come together in unexpected ways. Strong performances by Dylan O'Brien (yum) and Eliza Scanlen propel this. The subgenre that's revealed in the second act is one of my least favorite, but it works here. GRADE: B

CAST A DEADLY SPELL

(Martin Campbell, 1991) 

I hadn't even heard of this prior to it being recommended by some of the YouTube horror community. It was an HBO Movie directed by future Bond and Zorro helmer Campbell. In an alternate 1940's LA where magic reigns, a private eye (Fred Ward) investigates the disappearance of a book that could lead to the end of the world. Not bad, but basically a lesser Lord of Illusions with a little bit of Bogart noir thrown in. Good production design for a TV movie, and I must reiterate as I did with my Tremors rewatch from last year that Ward was an absolute snack. With Julianne Moore, Clancy Brown, and David Warner. GRADE: C+

CHOPPING MALL

(Jim Wynorski, 1986)

Very 80's B-movie with a roster of genre faves, this focuses on malfunctioning security robots terrorizing the horny teen employees of a supermall. Remember malls? Remember movies with horny teens? This is pretty fun, if very slight - another one that doesn't even hit a runtime of 80 minutes. I found out that about 20 minutes was cut after poor test screenings, but I guess the original cut has been lost. With Kelli Maroney and Barbara Crampton. GRADE: B-

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE

(Stanley Kubrick, 1971)

Would you believe I've never seen this? A gang of wild youths wreaks havoc across England, one gets arrested and is put through an experimental treatment to fix him. Funnily enough, while watching I realized I never knew what this was actually about. I guess I just thought it was something like Funny Games, which is pretty much just the first act. Pretty shocking even 55 years later, I think more people should talk about how great Malcolm McDowell is here. Top notch cinematography and production design, expected for Kubrick. GRADE: A-

THE DARKEST HOUR

(Chris Gorak, 2011)

No, not the Oscar winner with Gary Oldman. A group of young Americans who met at a Moscow club might fight off an alien invasion - an invisible enemy that uses a lightning-esque current to wipe out humanity. The film has that specific dated look of a movie that was shot in 3D from that era. (Did I really just refer to 2011 as that era? Oof.) Completely unremarkable, it might have been okay to see on the big screen with the 3D effects in place. Emile Hirsch, Olivia Thirlby, and Joel Kinnaman star. GRADE: C-

GRADUATION DAY

(Herb Freed, 1981)

From the era where we got a slasher for every single holiday! A killer slashes teenagers on their graduation day several months after a popular track star randomly died of a heart attack at a meet. There's way too much time spent on the rituals of graduation day and for long stretches the film seems to forget it's a slasher. A limp whodunit with okay kills, the most interesting bit about this film may have been Vanna White plays one of the teens. GRADE: C

GRIZZLY

(William Girdler, 1976)

I'm not sure if this was a Jaws knockoff given it opened only a year after, but they certainly knew how to pump out B pictures at a fast pace in those days. An 18 foot grizzly is killing the visitors and rangers of a giant national park, and three men must unite to try and stop the bloodthirsty animal. Surprisingly violent, certainly silly, but still mostly a fun time. There's a sequel that was made in the early 80's that featured Charlie Sheen, Laura Dern, and George Clooney, and was actually never fully finished until a few years back. GRADE: B-

HABIT

(Larry Fessenden, 1997)

In this very 90's NYC indie drama, a man spiraling after his father's death meets a mysterious woman at a Halloween party and the two begin a relationship. Soon, he finds his appetite changing and starts to suspect she may have turned him into a vampire. Fessenden is a big name in both the indie and horror worlds, and I've enjoyed most of his output. This is rough and messy very much the way independent filmmaking used to be, feeling sort of mumblecore before that was a thing. GRADE: B+

HELL HOUSE LLC

(Stephen Cognetti, 2015)

This is part of a successful (I assume?) franchise that has four other installments, but I doubt I'll be checking any of them out. While it does have some effective moments, there's just too many cliches of the recovered digital footage genre of recent years. A group of friends buys an old hotel with plans to turn it into a haunted attraction, but things don't go as planned. GRADE: C

HOPE

(Na Hong-jin, 2026)

I found out after watching that this is supposed to be the first installment of a planned trilogy, which explains the rather abrupt ending. It's already epic length (160 minutes!) but I'm not sure there is enough material here to sustain two more movies when this already feels stretched. In a remote town, police officers and union members team up to stop a violent alien invasion. It has some exhilarating sequences and likeable characters, but the effects are wildly inconsistent. I also didn't know the three English-speaking names billed in the advertising were playing the aliens. GRADE: B-

KING KONG 

(John Guillermin, 1976)

One of the most expensive films of its time, this modern remake of the classic monster movie follows a paleontologist (Jeff Bridges) sneaking about a ship looking for petroleum on a desolate island. The crew along with a beautiful shipwreck survivor (Jessica Lange, she sure was pretty!) encounter the legendary large ape. While Kong is obviously a dude in a costume, most of the practical effects have aged well. Other than that, there's little energy and everything proceeds in a perfunctory fashion. I know it's not technically part of the Universal Monster canon, but I should watch the original at some point. GRADE: C+

NIGHT PATROL

(Ryan Prows, 2026)

The battle between the Black residents of the projects and the LAPD is given a twist when a cop must protect his younger brother who was framed by the police in a murder. And the cops are also vampires. It never quite delivers the genre thrills it should and everything goes down about the way you think it will. The plot would be good fodder for a symbolic thriller, but the execution just doesn't work. Between this and Scream 6, Dermot Mulroney doesn't understand how to act in these movies. GRADE: C

ONSLAUGHT

(Adam Wingard, 2026)

I was a huge fan of Wingard's The Guest and thought it was one of the best of 2014, so I was looking forward to this. Some thought it might be a direct sequel or at least set in the same world, but neither is the case. While that film wore its influences on its sleeve, it at least still felt like its own thing whereas this just feels like a pastiche of references. Scientific experiments lead to the creation of an army of elite killing machines that escape containment and unleash on the residents of a nearby trailer park. I'm firmly on Adria Arjona's team and think she should be the next Wonder Woman, but she's wasted here. Worse are the extended cameos by Rebecca Hall and Dan Stevens, two characters that should have been given more screen time. Nice seeing Reginald VelJohnson. Good cinematography, though! GRADE: C+

THE PROWLER

(Joseph Zito, 1981)

In 1945, a WWII veteran kills a couple after the woman breaks up with him, and returns 35 years later to embark on a murder spree during a college graduation dance. (Was there not a holiday this could all take place during?) Probably one of the better of the lesser known slashers from the 1980's, it's not quite too generic and has a memorable story even if the second half of the movie is mostly a long chase sequence. Also, cool killer design. I'm surprised this never had a sequel or remake. GRADE: B

RED ROOMS

(Pascal Plante, 2024)

This might be one of the definitive movies about the current era we live in, certainly the best film to incorporate the modern social media landscape since Zola. A young model has an unhealthy obsession with the trial of a murderer accused of killing three teenage girls and broadcasting the deaths to the internet. The fascination with true crimes, the dark web, serial killer groupies, bitcoin - it's all here. I'm not familiar with either of the actresses, but both were stellar. As someone who has served jury duty three times, the courtroom scenes felt very realistic. Now, if you excuse me, I need a Silkwood shower. Starring Juliette Gariépy and Laurie Babin. GRADE: A-

RETURN TO SILENT HILL

(Christophe Gans, 2026)

Oof, I'm just not having this franchise. I don't play video games so I have no affinity for it, but I pretty much hated both previous films. At least the first one had great production design, though this installment seemingly abandons that film's visual style. A man return to Silent Hill after receiving a letter from his lost love. Hinks ensure. Jeremy Irvine, completely miscast, stars. GRADE: D

SACCHARINE

(Natalie Erika James, 2026)

A medical student battling weight issues takes an experimental medication that she discovers is actually human bone ash. As the pounds begin falling off, she finds herself haunted by the ghost of the remains she's ingesting. I wish this had gone a bit more into a weight loss body horror film, instead of a standard haunting/possession. While some have compared it to The Substance and The Ugly Stepsister, I think that's a rather surface level reading. James directed the solid Relic from a few years back, and lead actress Midori Francis is very good. GRADE: B-

SALEM'S LOT

(Gary Dauberman, 2024) 

My review of the original TV movie here. I wasn't a big fan, but it's better than this which debuted on HBO Max. There is one really cool scene that takes place in silhouette. Other than that, standard vampire fare and doesn't have much reason to exist. In a small Maine town, a writer returns home to write his next novel and finds the town overrun by vampires. A decent cast - Lewis Pullman, Alfre Woodard, namely - can't save it. GRADE: C

SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE

(Carol Frank, 1986)

You'd think a movie with that title would be fun, but alas... I think I always confused this with Slumber Party Massacre, which I have yet to see. Worth noting this one of the few slashers of the era to be directed by a woman, though sadly this feels too much like a direct to VHS film and never really finds an identity of its own. A sorority pledge finds that her new house seems familiar, and soon must fend off a killer she has a connection to. GRADE: C-

THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD

(Christian Nyby, 1951)

I reviewed Carpenter's masterpiece remake here, and that film's prequel here, so now I get to complete the trifecta and watch the film that inspired them. In the Arctic, a group of scientists discovers a saucer buried in the ice and soon come face to face with the alien inhabitant. This has too many characters for a film that runs under 90 minutes, but it's such a fun early science fiction yarn. Dewey Martin was such a cutie as Bob. GRADE: B+

THIS IS NOT A TEST

(Adam MacDonald, 2026) 

Let's make the zombie equivalent of The Breakfast Club and take away any charm or thrills of either of those. A group of teens (everyone looks to be pushing 30) hides out in their high school during the zombie apocalypse, with the main girl (Olivia Holt) struggling to stay alive while being depressed about the death of her sister. Way too dour with too many zombie cliches. Featuring two hot gay actors - Luke MacFarlane and Froy Gutierrez, who sadly do not get it on with each other. GRADE: D+

WHISTLE

(Corin Hardy, 2026) 

A troubled teen (Logan's Dafne Keen) moves to a new school where she and a group of friends discovers an ancient cursed whistle that summons death to anyone who hears it. That's not a bad logline, and the result isn't too different than your average Final Destination sequel. The characters are ultimately too forgettable, and Keen doesn't quite have what it takes to make a compelling Final Girl. (Though her look at the end is jaw dropping.) Good fall vibes movies, though. GRADE: B-