HORRORFEST XI: In Which We Are All Now in a Horror Movie

BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE 

(Katja von Garnier, 2007)

Agnes Bruckner, so terrific in 2003's indie Blue Car, plays a werewolf who falls for a mortal (Hugh Dancy). Predating Twilight by just under two years, this is a very similar romance with light fantasy/horror elements. Despite the attractive cast, none of it is particularly sexy or romantic. It's kind of funny this film was such a non-event upon release, the film was in development for years. I remember reading about it in the late 90's on Dark Horizons and those various movie sites that were so ubiquitous at the time. Olivier Martinez also appears. GRADE: C-

CAT'S EYE 

(Lewis Teague, 1985)

Drew Barrymore stars in this anthology from Stephen King and the director of Cujo. The first story involves James Woods using an unorthodox service to quit smoking. The second is a man trapped on the ledge of a building while various forces try to push him off. (Really?) The third, and best, is Barrymore as a girl being saved from a deadly troll in her walls by a stray cat. None of this is particular cinematic, and the stories are so random. I wouldn't even say the first two qualify as horror. GRADE: C

DRESSED TO KILL

(Brian De Palma, 1980)

De Palma's camptastic riff on Psycho, with Michael Caine as a therapist whose transsexual client might be murdering women. A triple Razzie nominee, the film is as problematic today as it was when it was released. It's also rather exhilarating, with a great star turn by Angie Dickinson. And, hey, SEX SCENES! Remember those? De Palma really was on fire in this era, with all his fetishes on full display here. Also with Nancy Allen, Keith Gordon, and a slim, young Dennis Franz. GRADE: A-

FLATLINERS

(Joel Schumacher, 1990)

A group of medical students conducts potentially deadly experiments on each other to find out if there is an afterlife. With the cast, cinematography and Schumacher's direction, it's a perfect relic of its time. That, however, doesn't make it a good movie and only slightly superior to the 2017 reboot. Kiefer Sutherland, Julia Roberts, Kevin Bacon, Oliver Platt, Hope Davis, and super sexy William Baldwin star. GRADE: C+

THE HAUNTED MANSION

(Rob Minkoff, 2003)

Super generic family film finds Eddie Murphy as a a realtor brought to an old, ornate home to potentially sell. The owners have sinister plans for his wife in this adaptation of the Disney ride. Remember when we were adapting theme park rides into features? This and Pirates of the Caribbean both came out in the same year, and I don't believe there's been another theme park ride film in a while. I'm holding out for Tilt-a-Whirl: The Movie. Everything about this is so bland and forgettable, it practically evaporates long before the credits even start rolling. With Terence Stamp and Jennifer Tilly. GRADE: C

LONG WEEKEND

(Colin Eggleston, 1978)

Nature takes revenge against a bickering-to-the-point-of-divorce couple in this Australian thriller. It definitely has that goofy Aussie-ness that some other genre films from Down Under have, but I wished it focused on the horror aspects just a tad more. Ecological horrors are always welcome, especially more realistic ones. Upon researching, I just found out there was a remake in 2008 called Nature's Grave starring Jim Caviezel and from the director of Urban Legend. Starring John Hargreaves (perpetually in short shorts! Nice!) and Briony Behets. Sad random bit of trivia: Hargreaves died of AIDS in the mid 90's, as did the lead of another Aussie 70's horror film - Gary Bond from Wake in Fright. Both were gay. Even after all these years, it's still devastating to think of all the great artists we were robbed of. GRADE: B-

MARROWBONE

(Sergio G. Sanchez, 2018)

After their mother dies, siblings in an isolated farmhouse agree to not tell anyone of her death until the oldest boy turns 21 and can adopt them. The problem is the house might be haunted. Drama with supernatural elements, it's another one that is a bit too generic and borrows too many plot points from other films even if some of the twists work. The cast is aces, though. George MacKay, Anya Taylor-Joy, Mia Goth and Charlie Heaton star. GRADE: C+