GIRL ON THE THIRD FLOOR
(Travis Stevens, 2019)
Wrestler CM Punk (billed as Phil Brooks) stars in this play on the classic "fixing up a haunted house" tale. A man with a scandalous past moves to a small town to work on the home while his pregnant wife finishes up some business in the big city. Left to his own devices and trying to prove his masculinity, he begins to encounter strange events and a deadly apparition. I was a bit skeptical and not really feeling this one at first, but it eventually won me over with its use of practical effects/gore and a third act shift of perspective. That said, Brooks can't really sell this. I have no doubt he has great charisma as a wrestler, but as an actor he really struggles. The women in the film fare much better. With Trieste Kelly Dunn and Sarah Brooks. GRADE: B-
MIRRORS
(Alexandre Aja, 2008)
Kiefer Sutherland plays a disgraced cop who takes a job as night security for a building that was destroyed by fire. The remaining mirrors are clean, and home to a supernatural force using them as a gateway to claim some victims. Or something. I like most of Aja's output, but this might be his worst. It just doesn't work. Little suspense, but some potent gore. Check out Oculus instead for your reflective horror. Paula Patton and Amy Smart also appear. GRADE: C-
THE NEW MUTANTS
(Josh Boone, 2020)
Long delayed spinoff of The X-Men franchise in which young mutants are being held in an institution where their deadly skills might be harnessed for evil. On one hand, it has a similar plotline to the third Nightmare on Elm Street (the creators said that film was an inspiration) and it's the first X-Men film to embrace an overtly queer storyline. Sadly, it succumbs to an overabundance of visual effects and the denouement betrays the quieter moments that somewhat work. Not quite the mess the delays led us to believe it was, but never fulfills it's promise. With Blu Hunt, Maise Williams, Anya Taylor-Joy, Charlie Heaton and Alice Braga. GRADE: C
THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS
(Wes Craven, 1991)
I saw this one sometime in the late 90's, and had mostly forgotten it. I figured it was due for a rewatch, and it really worked for me this time. Combining batshit crazy horror and pitch black comedy, the film is about a young Black boy used in a plot to rob the home of a rich, white couple. He gets more than he bargained for in a literal house of horrors. I was kinda surprised at the number of films that borrow elements from this, including Don't Breathe and The Frighteners. Even more surprising is that this film has never been remade as there are quite a few aspects that are timelier than ever. I just wish Craven had killed off that damn dog way earlier than he did. Benefited greatly by a terrific child actor - Brandon Adams. AJ Langer and Ving Rhames also star. GRADE: B+
SERIES 7: THE CONTENDERS
(Daniel Minahan, 2001)
"Episode" of a reality series in which contestants are forced to kill one another until the last person is standing. The satire may have lost some of its bite after years of forced-to-kill-one-another entertainment such as Purge movies and Hunger Games blockbusters. The great Brooke Smith is the lead, a pregnant woman packing ammo while hunting down her fellow stars. One of them is her high school boyfriend. A pre-Arrested Development Will Arnett provides the sensationalized narration. Merritt Wever (then a teenager) and Glenn Fitzgerald also appear. GRADE: B-
URBAN LEGENDS: BLOODY MARY
(Mary Lambert, 2005)
Direct-to-DVD chapter in the Scream-knockoff franchise, in which a group of high school girls unleash an evil spirit who begins killing their group of friends. I watched this a few weeks ago and can barely remember any of the story, just how bad the filmmaking was. That's definitely a disappointment because Lambert is not without talent, and the previous two entries were some of the better entries in the late 90's/early 00's slasher resurgence. (Though this film was actually made without any association to the franchise and then was shoehorned into it when it arrived on DVD.) There is a solid death sequence involving spiders that a few other recent films have done. Kate Mara stars, and her sister Rooney (billed as Patricia Mara) appears for a second. GRADE: D
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