This edition brought to you by remakes that are misguided.
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
(Tom Savini, 1990)
I was not aware till a few months ago that this was available on NetFlix, so now I can fulfill my quest of watching every single zombie movie ever made. I always assumed the zombie apocalypse would be caused by radiation, nuclear power, viruses or army experiments gone awry. Movies led me to believe this. Real life would have it that bath salts are the trigger. Thanks, movies! Like most of George Romero's original series, a cause of the zombie outbreak isn't mentioned in this film. It's just about a group of people banning together in a farmhouse to survive. Unlike the original, Barbara isn't a catatonic couch-dweller. She's been morphed into a Sigourney-esque kickass leading lady, played by stuntwoman Patricia Tallman. Tallman is skilled in the action sequences and quieter moments, though fails with the more hysteric early moments. This is the largest difference between the versions. Other than being in color and more gory. Tony Todd, who I've never seen as someone other than a villian or some kind of dark figure meant to foreshadow doom for the rest of the cast, is just as good as Duane Jones as Ben, the stoic hero. The rest of the cast doesn't fare as well. In particular, Tom Towles as Harry Cooper gives one of the most obnoxious performances I've ever witnessed. I get that Harry is the antagonist of the situation, but when he starts going off about the 'yo-yo''s, I was ready for the zombies to bust down the doors and tear the fucker up. The gore and makeup effects were top notch for the time, and I appreciate the slight changes made to the ending. The main problem is that the original film is more relevant than a film made 22 years later and 22 years closer to today. Plus, I felt the farmhouse in the original felt like a safe haven from the zombies and the characters inside felt real. This one, it seems stupid of them to stay there given there seems to be a lot more zombies. And, as is awkwardly pointed out in the actual film, they aren't moving very fast. Night, Dawn and Day have all been remade. Dawn is the best, Day by far the worst. GRADE: B-
THE WICKER TREE
(Robin Hardy, 2012)
Turns out the worst thing to happened to the 1970's classic wasn't that Nicolas Cage remake from 2006. Sequel/remake (reboot?) focusing on an American country singer and her boyfriend who travel to Scotland to spread their religious musical message and get caught in a cultish town that has malevolent plans for them. Robin Hardy wrote and directed The Wicker Man, and returns to do this, his first film in 24 years. And boy, does it show! Awkward tonal shifts, scattershot satire and characters we don't give a shit about keep this sequel/remake/reboot/whatever from taking off. I will give it some credit that the entire sequence with the planned sacrifice and wicker cage thinger was beautifully shot and actually acheived the eerieness it set out to. The rest is flat and dull. GRADE: D+
BELOW
(David Twohy, 2002)
Darren Aronofsky co-scripted this WWII-set submarine thriller, sort of Das Boot meets a haunted house movie. Bruce Greenwood is the captain whose sub picks up some drifters, one a nurse (reliable Olivia Williams, the film's sole female). And a ghost. Maybe? This was far more of a submarine movie than a ghost movie, as the supernatural element never takes off. It doesn't help matters that there seems to be seven thousand people aboard, none of which are memorable. Then heartthrobs Matt Davis and Scott Foley and a youngish Zach Galiafinakis round out the cast. The film was dumped into a few hundred theatres back when it was released, and for once I understood the reasoning. The effects were really cheap looking, and had it been marketed as an all-out horror movie, that would have been a lie. It never finds the right ground and the movie is, well, sub-par. Nice! GRADE: C
DARK SHADOWS
(Tim Burton, 2012)
One of the things I've been searching for in my recent horrorfests was more comedies with horror elements, or even films with light horror elements. Think stuff like The Witches of Eastwick, Practical Magic, Hocus Pocus - okay, those all have witches. Hopefully, you get the picture and might even have some suggestions. Here's a film that was marketed as a farce when its makers kept assuring loyal fans of the series that it would be a serious adaptation. So, who ultimately failed: the makers or the marketers? Both. Not quite the all-out comedy the trailer made it to be, but - and I've never seen the series this is based on - I know it probably wasn't true ot the source material. For the first third of the film, it works pretty well and I was ready to say that I was liking it. It was a drama with witches and vampires, and some slight comedic edge. Then, it can't decide what it wants to be - comedy, soap, horror, romance, 70's music compilation. Then, it rips off Death Becomes Her (hey, that's another example of the type of film I want!). Then, it ends. Johnny Depp plays Tim Burton's Johnny Depp, and I'm really fucking sick of this. Judging by the response to the film, I'm not alone. He's cursed to become a vampire by a witch (a vampy Eva Green), buried in a coffin for over 200 years and dug up by his ancestors (led by Michelle Pfeiffer, reteaming with Burton since her career-best work in Batman Returns.) in 1972. He falls in love with their governess, who..... is in like 3 scenes? That's another major problem with the film. Plot points are awkwardly inserted into scenes, as if they are an afterthought. Once the denouement kicks in, the film becomes a mess that goes on about 10 minutes too long. Rather than going the 'fun' direction, the film should have just played it straight like the first act with dark, not broad, humor. Caleb Delbonnel's gorgeous cinematography is easily the best and most interesting aspect of the film. GRADE: C
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