GLOBES Red Carpet

Come Hell or high water, I'm here.

E! has been talking nonstop about Alicia Vikander but only Dave Karger pronounced her name correctly. Ah-liss-eee-uh, not Ah-lee-cee-uh. Vick-ander, not Vike-ander. And Saoirse rhymes with inertia. Sir-shuh.

We've seen Alicia's dress on Instagram. It's fine. Apparently Rachel McAdams is coming with Sasha Pfeiffer. Just happy Rachel is coming.

Bryce Dallas Howard looks okay. Gina Rodriguez looks good.

I apologize in advance for misspellings and missing letters as this keyboard on my laptop sucks.

Sam Smith is there. Jaimi Alexander looks fine. Ricky Gervais arrives. Ready to roast. Sophia Bush is there. Sophia Bush, Kate Bosworth and Amber Heard will be there. Because the Globes are apparently a crappy horror remake from 2007. Charlie Puth - is he 12. LOL he might be an Oscar winner soon. Patricia Arquette arrives with massive cleavage. Jamie Lee Curtis is covered up. Forgot she was going to be here. America Ferrera in yellow.

I finally get to watch this in HD. Honestly, it's not that much better. I can make out some aspects of the dress a little better.

Patrick Stewart and Jeffrey Tambor arrive bringing glamour! Eva Longoria is there. It's more of a SAG dress. Emmy Rossum is there. For some reason. I forgot we won't have Kelly Osbourne this year. It's telling that I didn't notice that until now. I really wanna see that hot Outlander guy. YUMMMMM. It's sad that NBC no longer has any huge stars so they have to get their D-list crew to present. Sophia Bush looks very clean and sleek. Regina King arrives. LOVE her. Hope she wins despite me not seeing her show. E! has brought a GLAM-BOT which may be one of the cooler things they've done. Too bad they wasted it on Sophia Bush and Wiz Kalifa. And Seacrest of course. Ryan has Alicia Vikander. Not liking the dress It makes her chest look very odd. Eva Green is not wearing black. I can' beileve it. I love how Gulianna just asked Wiz if this is his first Globe nomination? Girl, I know you don't eat but you need something to keep you going. Aziz Ansaris arrives! TOM HAVERFORD!!! Man, they really need some legit people soon. Rachel Bloom looks nice. Massive cleavage, though. Vikander's tan is too extreme for a white dress. Jaimie Alexander migh be best dressed so far. Melissa Benoist looks okay. Okay, I'm not usually one to point this out (LOL) but there are too many bland women there. Like, where are the FACES? WE HAD FACES??!?!?

Uzo! She looks great! Ive never seen her hair like that. I saw her portion of The Wiz and she can really sing. Laverne Cox is there, lol people are fixing her dress to pose her properly. Looks very good. David Oyelowo arrives wearing a purple suit. Olvia Wilde with some cleavage. She actually usually does very well with her dresses here. Sam Smith arrives, still svelt. Malik Akerman - looking pretty nice. Again, bland actress. FASSBENDER!!!! FINALLY A STAR!!!!! He's not walking wth Alicia, though. Shock. Bryce Dallas Howard has never been to the Globes. She just said she was nominated. I totally forgot she was nominated. I can't believe her Dad never brought here. DUNST!!!!! OMG DUNST HAS MASSIVE CLEAVAGE!!!! WOW! SHIT! Brie is golden! It has cutouts. OMG Bryce just said she was a size 6 and said to Gulianna "you know how that is"!?!?!? LOL LMAO. No, she's doesn't. Oh god, they are freaking out over Alicia's bland apron dress. Ugh. Andy Samberg - I miss his goofy hair. He has serious hair now. Still cute. He looks thin.

Zendaya is there. Shouldn't E! apologize to her!??!?! Leslie Mann looking kinda cheap. Brie - oh man. It doesn't fit her right? That's kind of a strike out. Come on, Saoirse! Bring it. Ryan has Brie. She'll be charming. Yeah, that dress should be sexy and its ill-fitted on her. LOL Emma Stone gave Brie a pep talk. "You're inside the TV now."

I need to see Dunst's dress. Apparently it's even more BOOBS-y than I imagined. And she'll have Garret with her. Will Smith and Kevin Hart working the crowd. Jason Sudeikis with a huge beard = FUCK YESSSSSS. MMMM. Oh shit Dunst is behind them. I see Garrett waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I lvoe what Dunst is wearing but he hair doesn't go with it. The Boobs are amazing. Amy Schumer arrive. Paul Dano and Zoe Kazan ar ther. Her Bob is great. Very Rose Byrne.

HOLY FUCK JENNIFER LOPEZ LOOKS FANTASTCI!!!!!!!! OMG!!!! Shes not doing the peek-a-boo thing with her nipples. Dunst and JLO win. Shut it down.

Switching over to NBC Official Coverage. They have the Smith's. Jada looks nice, very classy. The annoying son is just standing there. Oh, that's NOT the annoying son. That's his other son who is out of the press. Taraji!!! Helen Mirren looking great. Too bad her Trumbo perf is so unworthy. Schumer is wearing something that looks like what Patricia Arquette would wear last year. WOW The media is really on the Vikander train. Damn, I want a threeway with Dunst-Hedlund.

Viola Davis looks nice. It reminds me of Christmas candy. Julia Louis-Dreyfus looking good as usual. Stallone brought his daughters - I think that's what they are. Quite a squad. Harrison Ford is there. He looks disheveled. Felicity Huffman looks like she's changed ethnicities. Damn, NBC's crowds are loud. Channing Tatum's hair is a mess. IT looks like a 90's teen art freak. LOL I knida love it. Kate Bosworth and her mismatched eyes are there. Ok dress. Eddie Redmayne! Jamie Fox and his Miss Golden Globe daughter wearing something that Jennifer Lopez wore years ago. Oh, Saoirse looks lovely. Matt Damon has gray hir and I'm loving it. Jane Fonda's dress is RIDIC but I love her for it. Taylor Kinney and Lady Ggag arrive. Amy Adams is red. Her hair is so simple and mazing. Guliana is interviewing Jacob Tremblay. Poor thing. She just called it The Room. Jacob loves Oscar Isaac. The Rock looks really thin. Oh wow Gaga looks great. AND OMG THE PREMATURE GRAYING ON HER BOYFRIEND IS HOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT. Kate Huson is talking to The Rock. WTF IS SHE WEARING?!?!?! OMG ROONEY LOOKS AWFUL!??! Her interviews are so awkward. I love Amy's hair and makeup. Very simple. NBC has Leo. OH GOD SHUT UP ABOUT THE GRUELING SHOOT!!!! Cate looks decent. Better than Rooney. Need to see JJL, McAdams, Winslet, JLaw yet.

Seeing Winslet. She looks fine. Saoirse looks gorgeous.

Okay, I think I'm shutting it down. Here's hoping for a great show!