More presenters...

Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus added as presenters for the Oscars.

Shall I go into the obviousness of all of this?

Yes, I shall:

The four were obviously announced together so tweens will squeal in their seats and text each other "JACOB AT DA OSCARS LOL MUST WATCH!"

Ok - Kristen Stewart - She's worked with Fincher, Sean Penn, some respectable people. She impressed me in Adventureland. Honestly, I don't have a problem with her being there. She'll no doubt awkwardly present her category while putting her hand on her head 267 times and biting her lip and appearing to hate how famous she now is.

Zac Efron - pretty much the same thing. He seems to want out of the Disney safezone and was in Me and Orson Welles. Fine.

Taylor Lautner - okay, staring to push it.

MILEY FUCKING CYRUS??? Yes, when I think of the oustanding cinematic acheivements of recent years, this is the first name that comes to mind. Actually, about a thousand names come first.

I suppose Megan Fox will be announced on Wednesday.

As has been proven in recent years, adding hip names to the presenter lineup DOES NOT EQUAL RATINGS. REPEAT: THIS WILL NOT BRING IN MORE PEOPLE. Of course, they announce these names together. It would be fine if this was the Teen Choice Awards, though even Miley would seem odd there. Does anyone really take her seriously? And might I add this will be her second Oscar appearance. She appeared on the red carpet last year, but had nothing to do with the actual show. The previous year she introduced one of the Enchanted song performances.

What's next? They announce one of the acting winners will gets slimed? Good job, Shankman. You cut out the song performances to save time. But you'll still have two dance numbers you choreographed? You told the acting winners to prepare two speeches - one that is personal to save for the backstage cam and the industry-related one that they'll give to the world. Cuz that makes so much sense? Not only that, you told them that crying when accepting the Oscar is the single most hated thing at the award show. Ummm...what the fuck? Yeah, when I think of memorable acceptance speeches, I think solely of totally industry-related thank you's and running under 45 seconds and complete lack of emotion. Right. But, hey, I'll give you credit. At least you'll allow them onstage to accept the Oscars. Yeah, remember that "time-saver" from 5 years ago? The producers thought that was such an awesome idea and look how well that was received. The same year that Beyonce sang 3/5 nominated songs and Sean Combs was a presenter. Yeah, all that really saved time and skyrocketed ratings. No, it didn't. Mechanic and Shankman - you're entering that level of atrocity.

And if it is hip, young talent they are after, there's plenty to pull from this year:

Abbie Cornish, Sam Worthington, Emily Blunt, Amanda Seyfried, Zoe Saldana, Melanie Laurent, Nicholas Hoult, Michael Fassbender, Anthony Mackie, Saoirse Ronan or even nominees Mulligan, Sidibe, Renner or Kendrick? Hey! Anna Kendrick was in Twilight! TWILIGHT = ratings? Right?

This is like when the producers of the Golden Globes said they were sitting Taylor Lautner with the Hurt Locker peeps so he would add some glamor to the table. Ummm, have you not seen Jeremy Renner? (Well, nevermind that Lautner would be sitting with the THL people because they are both from Summit Entertainment and the studios buy the tables for the celebs and guests at the Globe ceremony. I digress.)

Or howabout as I have suggested numerous times, get Daniel Radcliffe or Emma Watson. I believe both have presented at the BAFTA's, so I'm sure they'd agree? And it's not like those Harry Potter films are earnest indies that are dying for an audience.

What draws Joe Average to watch the Oscars is not presenters. It's how familiar they are with the nominated films. As we know, having the Best Actress frontrunner starring in the highest grossing film with a female in the lead has to count for something. Having 5 of the 10 nominated films cross $100 million will help ratings. Though personally, I can't wait for the near slap-in-the-face it will be to all of this when the Best Picture winner is the lowest grossing one ever.

Your job as a producer, first and foremost, is to put on a good show. A GOOD SHOW. You can't control the winners, so make it a show that is fun, but understand you are there to honor film. And I'm sorry, Miley Cyrus does not do that. One of the fears I've heard for years is that the Oscars are becoming more and more irrelevant and will end up like the Tony's - with small ratings and very little media attention. In all honesty, I'm longing for that day. Then, the people behind the ceremony will realize what they are there to do: honor film in a respectful way with some fun thrown in.

So, to recap:

Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus have been added as presenters to the 82nd Academy Awards.