Happy October!
13 GHOSTS
(William Castle, 1960)
If you saw this theatrically (Jesus, you're old!) or had a certain limited edition DVD, you might have gotten to see it the way it was intended: in "Illusion-O" with a special ghost viewer. Such a shame that the 2001 remake was so awful, because this might have been a fun gimmick to try again in the age of the IMAX 3D. A financially strapped family inherits a home along with its deceased inhabitants. Inside is also a hidden fortune. Gimmicky, sure, but with fun special effects and the film would be a good introduction to the genre for youngsters too scared for more modern fare. With Martin Milner, Rosemary DeCamp, and the Wicked Witch of the West herself, Margaret Hamilton. GRADE: B
DEAD CALM
(Phillip Noyce, 1989)
Being a Kidmaniac, I first watched this in the late 90's on VHS and really liked it. I'm happy to say it held up well. I believe I previously mentioned how we need more 'terror on the high seas' films, and this would easily be one of the best. A couple (Sam Neill and Nicole Kidman, who only turned 20 a month into production) who recently lost their son in a tragic accident takes a vacation in a huge yacht. In the middle of the ocean, they encounter a sole survivor (Billy Zane at his hottest) from a sinking sailboat. Was he responsible for the deaths of everyone on board? Are they next? How frizzy will Nicole's hair get? A tense experience, with the trio of actors doing good work. GRADE: B+
THE GREAT ALLIGATOR
(Sergio Martino, 1979)
Ridiculous but entertaining Italian horror about a crocodile killing tourists on a tropical island just as a new resort is about to open. The croc is believed to be a God incarnated and sent to kill those who have destroyed the island. It also has some of the most hilarious, fake miniatures in underwater shots. The film has been criticized for being a Jaws ripoff, though the croc isn't particularly scary in this. It may have been ahead of its time in the aspect involving people colonizing the land getting their comeuppance. With Barbara Bach, Mel Ferrer, and Claudio Cassinelli. GRADE: C+
HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA: TRANSFORMANIA
(Derek Drymon & Jennifer Kluska, 2022)
Laugh free fourth installment of the popular franchise, this one debuted on Prime two years ago and Adam Sandler didn't return as the voice of Dracula. It focuses more on the relationship between his daughter and her husband, who makes Van Helsing turn him into a creature to please his father-in-law. I'd say this franchise has easily run its course by now. The gags feel strained and most of the performers sound over it. With Selena Gomez and Andy Samberg. GRADE: C-
HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL
(William Castle, 1959)
Vincent Price plays a wealthy man who gets five guests to spend the night at a haunted house. If they survive the night, they'll get $10k each. In the midst of the festivities, Price tangles with his wife (Carol Omhart) who has a few surprises of her own. Their back and forth leads to some fun dialogue, the twists are fresh, and the runtime clocks in a just 75 minutes. The gimmick Castle had with this one was a skeleton on a string which flew through the theater as audiences watched the film. My thoughts on the remake are below. GRADE: B+
KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE
(Stephen Chiodo, 1988)
Intentionally dumb comedy sci-fi about a pack of killer clowns from outer space (!!!) who set up their circus tent to lure people in and feed off their bodies. It's harmless PG-13 80's fluff, though I get the feeling this is one of those that you had to have grown up with to love. Fun, sure, but it also feels like its one joke has been stretched as far as it can go even at only 88 minutes. With Grant Cramer and Suzanne Snyder. GRADE: B-
MUTE WITNESS
(Anthony Waller, 1995)
Not sure why this one evaded me for so long, as it was a pretty famous mid 90's horror/comedy title. I was surprised that most of it was in English. For some reason, I had always assumed this was a foreign film. A mute woman (Marina Zudina) working on a movie set in Russia accidentally sees some of her fellow crew members making their own snuff film late at night. She finds herself entangled with the Russia mob after going to the authorities. Yeah, this is more of a 90's mob film than an all-out slasher, which really disappointed me. That era definitely did not need more mafia films. With Fay Ripley and Evan Richards. GRADE: C+
NEVER LET GO
(Alejandre Aja, 2024)
Halle Berry plays a mother to two boys (Percy Daggs IV and Anthony B. Jenkins) in a cabin in the woods supposedly after an apocalyptic event. A supernatural presence lurks in the trees and the only way to be safe while outside is to hold on to a rope and not let go. Or something. Is there an actual evil force or is their mother suffering from schizophrenia? I should've known this would have issues because the trailers were so obtuse about what was happening. Inherited TRAUMA and all that. It just doesn't work, sadly, despite a decent twist halfway through. Probably needed a few more rewrites to get across what it wanted to say. Good use of "Big Rock Candy Mountain", though! GRADE: C-
SPEAK NO EVIL
(James Watkins, 2024)
Solid remake to the very recent film that I reviewed in the first round. Some are mad that this is a very typical American remake, but I think that's a bit reductive. If the original was Funny Games, this is closer to Last House on the Left than an outright crowdpleaser. Not surprising, Watkins directed the terrific, underrated Eden Lake. Scoot McNairy and Mackenzie Davis are an American couple invited to the countryside of, uh, some European place by a couple (James McAvoy and Aisling Franciosi). There, the couple's behavior grows increasingly unhinged. It detours significantly from the original in the final act and the mystery involving the son, Ant, gets more development. Oh, and James McAvoy's calves. Yum. GRADE: B
THE TINGLER
(William Castle, 1959)
Third film in this go-round from Castle and probably my least favorite. Vincent Price plays a pathologist who believes a tiny parasitic monster manifests itself anytime someone is scared. He attempts an experiment on the owners of a silent movie theater. Interesting tidbit: this was the first film to feature a LSD trip. The film's big sequence involves the creature let loose on the audience of the cinema, with Castle providing gimmicks for the audience who saw The Tingler: hidden buzzers and paid performers added to the scene. Outside of that part, most of this is a slog. With Darryl Hickman and Patricia Cutts. GRADE: C
THE TOXIC AVENGER
(Michael Herz & Lloyd Kaufman, 1986)
Crude as can be 80's comedy shlock about a gym janitor who after an encounter with some toxic waste becomes a monstrous hero for his New Jersey town. Given the amount of sequels and an upcoming remake, this has a strong cult following but I won't count myself among its groupies. The crudeness is cranked up to a cringe-worthy level, with excessive 80's un-PC humor. Some of the humor delivers, but it's all just so over the top at every turn. With Mitch Cohen and Andree Maranda. GRADE: C
WHEN A STRANGER CALLS
(Fred Walton, 1979)
I think I watched this back in '97/'98 when I was inhaling every horror movie I could. I don't even remember what I thought about it, I think I mostly liked it? Certainly the iconic opening left an impression. Carol Kane plays a babysitter who gets menacing phone calls eventually leading to the murder of the children upstairs. "Have you checked the children?" Years later, a private detective (Charles Durning) is hired to find the killer after he escapes a mental institution. The opening and closing scenes with Kane are the film's best, though I appreciated the slow burn middle section even if some find it a bit too staid. Kane is fantastic, and I hope people check out her terrific work in the recent Between the Temples. GRADE: B+
WITCH STORY
(Alessandro Capone, 1989)
Siblings along with some friends go to Florida to check out a house they just inherited. Turns out the locals burned a witch alive there decades earlier and she now haunts the grounds. This probably has a few too many characters and a lot of them look exactly alike (thank god they had a black friend!), but the kills are pretty good and the characters aren't too annoying. The actress who played the witch was Deanna Lund and she was so good, very alluring but still ominous. I wish we got more scenes with her. GRADE: B-
1994 stuff...
SERIAL MOM
(John Waters)
Kathleen Turner is spot on perfection in this very funny satirical comedy about a dentist's wife who has an obsession with serial killers. She begins murdering those in her community who disrespect her family. Probably one of Waters most mainstream films, this has become a cult favorite over the years and for good reason. I need to make it a goal to watch more of his films. Turner's performance might be one of the best comedic works of the 90's. It does lose a bit of steam once it gets to the trial scenes. I'll never think of pussy willows the same way again. Poor Mink Stole. Sam Waterston, Ricki Lake, and Matthew Lillard round out the cast. GRADE: B+
WOLF
(Mike Nichols)
I haven't watched this since VHS back in '95. It certainly had heavy cable play back in the day. Jack Nicholson plays an editor who is bitten by a wolf in the woods outside of New York and slowly turns into a werewolf. Michelle Pfeiffer plays the daughter of his employer (Christopher Plummer) who finds herself drawn to him. The scenes of Jack as the wolf are a bit hokey, as he looks ridiculous. Though the dialogue is occasionally sharp, the ending is amusingly stupid. Those last shots do nothing to go against my argument that Michelle may be the most beautiful woman to ever grace the silver screen. I was thinking while watching this if it were made today it would star Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie. With James Spader and Kate Nelligan. GRADE: B-
1999 stuff...
THE 13TH WARRIOR
(John McTiernan)
This had a troubled production and McTiernan was replaced by Michael Crichton during reshoots. The production issues are probably more interesting than the final product. Antonio Banderas plays a Muslim who helps a gang of Vikings take back their land after it was attacked by an ancient evil. Cannibals. The production is big, the budget was massive. It looks pretty good, but the story is completely uninvolving. Omar Shariff also appears. GRADE: C
THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE
(Rand Ravich)
Rosemary's Baby knockoff about a woman (Charlize Theron) who begins to suspect her astronaut husband (Johnny Depp) might be possessed by an otherworldly entity after he and his fellow astronaut lost contact with Earth for a few minutes while in space. Time has pretty much forgotten this dud, which bombed with critics and audiences when it was released in late August that year. Charlize is pretty good, though she mined similar territory in The Devil's Advocate 2 years prior. Depp sleepwalks through the role, though this might be the hottest he ever was. The ending is so dumb. GRADE: D+
THE BONE COLLECTOR
(Phillip Noyce)
Coming at the tail end of the 90's serial killer craze is this generic thriller. Denzel Washington plays a quadriplegic forensic expert who helps a novice cop (Angelina Jolie) track a serial killer. The killer leaves tiny shards of bones from his victims at the crime scene. How has this never been made into a CBS procedural? It doesn't really offer up anything to distinguish itself from the glut of similar films that opened in the era. I did not appreciate what the film does to Queen Latifah. GRADE: C
DEEP BLUE SEA
(Renny Harlin)
Scientists experiment with genetically modified sharks to develop a cure for Alzheimer's but end up creating smarter, bigger sharks in the process. I saw this at home shortly after it opened, and have watched bits and pieces over the years. I did see both direct-to-DVD sequels, but I don't remember a single thing about them other than they were bad. The original is still fun after all these years and many other sharksploitation films. Gory, fun kills, though some of the shark effects haven't held up well. Plus, Thomas Jane in a wetsuit. The less said about LL Cool J's end credits song, the better. With Saffron Burrows, Samuel L. Jackson, and Stellan Skarsgård. GRADE: B
HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL
(William Malone)
Remake of the William Castle film in which an amusement attraction designer (Geoffrey Rush) hosts his wife's birthday party in an insane asylum, inviting random strangers to spend the night with the chance to win a million dollars if they make it to morning. I liked this when I watched it when it came to video in early 2000, but it hasn't held up well. Ah, the perils of watching films you loved when you were 16! The cast struggles with the bad writing, and Rush's Price homage is never as fun as it should be. The production design of the asylum is great, however, and some of the ways the ghosts are incorporated are clever. It's just never fun or scary, though an early scene involving a roller coaster hits both notes. There was a direct-to-DVD sequel that was bad, but I barely remember it. With Famke Janssen, Ali Larter, and Taye Diggs. GRADE: C
2004 rewatches...
DAWN OF THE DEAD
(Zach Snyder)
This is the unrated director's cut, not the theatrical version. I don't think I've seen the theatrical version since theaters, so this is the only "Snyder Cut" I care about. Sarah Polley (making a very capable action babe) plays a nurse who awakens to a nightmare when her Milwaukee suburb has been overrun with the living dead. She joins a group of strangers as they take refuge in a desolate modern shopping center. I watched the original for last year's fest, one of my favorite revisits in recent years. This film doesn't seem to understand what Romero was saying with that film, but does work on its own terms as an action film. The sequences that bookend the film are absolute doozies, the best thing Snyder has ever directed. He did a lot with only a fraction of the budget. There are a bit too many slo-mo shots of guns being fired, but the tech aspects are top notch, the characters are memorable, and the writing isn't dumb. Just don't look for any of the satire that made the original one of the GOATs. With Ving Rhames, Jake Weber, Ty Burrell, and Mekhi Phifer. GRADE: B+
SHAUN OF THE DEAD
(Edgar Wright)
Saw it theatrically during the one week my theater had it, and have watched it many times over the years. I can vividly remember how this film had its own distinct rhythm in comparison to many comedies of the mid aughts. Happy 20th to the first official zom-rom-com about a slacker named Shaun (Simon Pegg) who must man up when the zombie apocalypse hits his small London town. His big plan involves getting his mother and friends to his local pub to wait things out. Fast paced with great lines and memorable characters, I still find myself surprised by how great Pegg was in the films in Wright's Cornetto trilogy. Legit should have been nominated for an Oscar for this and At World's End. Shaun also has the greatest homage to Night of the Living Dead in zombie movie history. With Nick Frost, Penelope Wilton, and Bill Nighy. GRADE: A-
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