HF: Horror Is a Boar

INSIDIOUS: THE RED DOOR

(Patrick Wilson, 2023)

Limp fifth installment in the franchise, though the first is still the only good one. The film follows Dalton (Ty Simpkins) as he goes off to college, his relationship with his father strained. The two find themselves reconnecting as their visions of The Further begin to once again take hold. This is Wilson's directorial debut. Outside of a great jump scare and a hilariously campy cover of Shakespear's Sister classic power ballad "Stay" that plays over the ending credits, he and his bouncy pecs should stay in front of the camera. Dalton, as a grownup, just doesn't work as a character and his roommate was annoying. I also did not appreciate killing off Barbara Hershey and sidelining Rose Byrne. GRADE: D+

RAZORBACK

(Russell Mulcahy, 1984)

I must make it my goal to see every Aussie horror film. So far, they seem to have a good batting average. Sold as "Jaws on trotters" (I had to look up what trotters are), this killer boar film follows a New Yorker who travels to the Outback to find out what happened to his reporter girlfriend after her disappearance. There, he teams up with a hunter whose grandson was killed years earlier by a giant pig. A dingo did not eat his baby. Spectacular cinematography and great creature effects are a highlight even if the film is never as scary as it should be. With Gregory Harrison. GRADE: B

SCARE ME

(Josh Ruben, 2020)

A failed writer/director/actor rents a cabin in wintry upstate New York to work on a project where he meets a hugely successful author of a popular horror novel. During a power outage, the two decide to see who can tell the best scary story. An amusing comedy, most of the film's runtime takes place right in front of the cabin's fireplace and relies on the stellar acting of its leads (filmmaker Ruben and Aya Cash). Dropping pop culture references and utilizing as well as twisting conventions, I wish the stories they told were a bit more memorable even if the point is the way they are telling it. This, along with the director's other film Werewolves Within, are fun comedies but their premises both feel a little too calculated. I'm still not certain how I feel about the last 10 minutes. That aside, I could watch Ruben and Cash do Cryptkeeper impressions all night. Also with Chris Redd. GRADE: B

SKINAMARINK

(Kyle Edward Bell, 2023)

This joins last week's The Outwaters as a huge, frustrating disappointment for me. A VHS recorder in 1995 (I think?) captures a family during a night where strange things begin to happen. It has its fans, certainly, but this just didn't work at all for me. I'm not sure if this can even be considered found footage as its not clear what is happening or why any of it is being filmed. There is only one moment that really worked - "Look under the bed." Everything happening is so damned vague it's hard to care about anything happening. I guess it's supposed to capture the uncertainty and terror of childhood. And Legos left all over the floor. It was a short film, it should have stayed a short film. GRADE: C- 

URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT

(John Ottman, 2000)

After watching the original for its 25th anniversary, I figured I'd give this a spin since I haven't seen it since theaters all those years ago. It picks up a few years after the original on a different college campus, a film school where students are vying for the coveted Hitchcock Award. One student (Jennifer Morrison) decides to make a short depicting the urban legend of "Humans Can Lick Too" (which was featured in Campfire Tales!) Final Cut has way too many characters, and most of them are annoying assholes. It's also a little too amused with its own film references. The killer now has a fencing mask instead of a parka, which doesn't really feel like an improvement. Loretta Devine returns from the original as the school's security, and she's easily the best thing about it. If they ever finally do another entry or reboot, I hope they bring her back. 80's stud Hart Bochner appears, along with Eva Mendes, Anthony Anderson, Joseph Lawrence, and the very hot Anson Mount. The end has an amusing cameo. GRADE: C+

MAY

(Lucky McKee, 2003)

And a happy 20th to this cult classic that debuted at Sundance in 2002, played at various festivals for a year and a half, and was finally released by LionsGate in the summer of 2003. Despite earning a small following since its release, it still feels underseen. When I rented it from Blockbuster, the girl behind the counter was very excited. "I just get so happy when people rent May," she told me. May is basically what would happen if Carrie had survived her prom and made it to 20's. Or if Dr. Frankenstein was an angsty Gen X-er. A veterinarian's assistant, May (Angela Bettis) is a shy, awkward girl with a lazy eye and a talent for sewing. When she meets a man (Jeremy Sisto) with beautiful hands, she falls in love. She soon discovers that people aren't really more than their parts and sets out to literally make a friend. Bettis is an absolute revelation, precise in her character work, with a complete understanding of May both as a character and as a film. Truly, one of the best performances in a horror film of the millennium. It also boasts a funny, sexy performance by Anna Faris as a co-worker. GRADE: A-

HF: Many happy (err, horrific) anniversaries!

All of these are re-watches. 

THE BIRDS

(Alfred Hitchcock, 1963)

The suspense master's timeless tale of what happens when a woman dares to be forward with a man and thus upsets the balance of nature. Traveling far for some good D just isn't worth it! (Not quite, but okay.) Tiddi Hedren plays a party girl socialite who meets a handsome man (Rod Taylor) in a pet store and decides to surprise him upstate at his family's home in Bodega Bay in time for his young sister's birthday. After her arrival, the birds in the town start going crazy, randomly attacking the townsfolk. I had seen this once before when I was quite young and didn't like it, but after seeing bits and pieces over the years on television and with this viewing can safely say I've changed my mind. I forgotten how gruesome it is for the time it was released, all those mangled bodies with eyes poked out! Terrific performances (loved Suzanne Pleschette!) and Hedren looked so stylish in that dress. Too bad she went through hell working with Hitchcock. GRADE: A

ROSEMARY'S BABY

(Roman Polanski, 1968)

Mia Farrow stars a young pregnant woman who begins to suspect her neighbors, doctors, and actor husband (John Cassavetes) are part of a devilish conspiracy involving her unborn child in Polanski's classic slow burn suspense. But, hey, you want a gorgeous New York apartment? You gotta pay somehow. Farrow is absolutely iconic, one of the genre's strongest performances, and I love that her hair stylist got a credit. Equally memorable is Ruth Gordon as her neighbor. She won a much deserved Oscar for her work. If this were released today, it would be one of those A24 horrors accused of being "elevated" and get a D+ on Cinemascore. Between this and The Stepford Wives, Ira Levin really had his finger on the pulse of what terrified modern women at the time. GRADE: A

DAWN OF THE DEAD

(George A. Romero, 1978 - 127 minute US theatrical version)

I may have violated one of my rules. I always consider year of release to be when the film is released theatrically in the U.S. No festivals, no premieres, just the actual release available to audiences. As it turns out, this wasn't released until May 1979. Happy 45th, anyways! 2nd installment of Romero's original Dead trilogy focusing on four survivors of the zombie apocalypse holing up in the offices of a Pennsylvania shopping mall. One of the great satires of the seventies and the horror genre, Romero's exploration of capitalism is just as relevant today as it was 45 years ago. It's not as scary as Night, but it makes that up with still potent makeup effects and great pacing. It doesn't feel 127 minutes, an almost epic length for a zombie picture. And for a horror film, it's all brightly lit - either outside or the sterile fluorescent mall lighting. With the great Ken Foree and Gaylen Ross. (An amusing bit about her: the mall in the 2004 remake has a store named Gaylen Ross, which really does sound like a woman's clothing store.) GRADE: A

THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW

(Wes Craven, 1988)

Bill Pullman and his luscious hair star in Craven's exploration of Haitian voodoo where a pharmaceutical company hires an anthropologist to go to the war-torn country and investigate rumors of religious practices that revive the dead. Serpent stands out in Craven's filmography, it's not a teen slasher or about the disintegration of the family unit. In many ways, it's his most straight ahead horror. I first watched this about 20 years ago, but fell asleep and barely remembered any of it. I was eager for another viewing. Though its not among Wes's genre-defining classics, it still has some chilling sequences. Also with Cathy Tyson, Paul Winfield, and Michael Gough. GRADE: B

HOCUS POCUS

(Kenny Ortega, 1993)

I haven't seen the streaming sequel, and I maintain that Disney's decision to put that on its streamer instead of in theaters was one of the most bone-headed decisions of the streaming era. Truthfully, I've never fully loved Hocus Pocus. It's one of the few non-horror Halloween films to become somewhat of a classic even if it just isn't that great. In modern Salem, a trio of witches from 1693 is brought back on Halloween night by a teenage boy. He, along with his sister and another teenager, must try and stop the witches from becoming immortal. The cast is fun, and, in particular, young Thora Birch was a standout. It dawned on me while watching how its been 30 years since Disney putting out something original was considered the norm. Starring Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker. GRADE: B 

NEEDFUL THINGS

(Fraser C. Heston, 1993)

In the small Maine town of Castle Rock, a new antique store opens with objects of much desire for the community. So much so that people are willing to murder for them, as the owner (Max von Sydow) turns the town against itself. Entertaining adaptation of Stephen King's novel - all the rage in that era - led by a strong cast, the film works best as a darkly comic horror story. It's not really scary, and the climax is a tad over the top, though the skinned dog definitely left an impression on me at a young age. I watched the theatrical version, but I'd be interested in watching the three hour TV cut someday. That might flesh out some of the smaller characters, and hopefully has less of JT Walsh's annoying character. With Ed Harris, Bonnie Bedelia and the great Amanda Plummer. GRADE: B

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

(Henry Selick, 1993)

Like Hocus Pocus, this film is unavoidable this time of year. Freeform, Disney, Spirit Halloween - they are everywhere. I only ever saw this once the whole way through, when I was about 10. In the reverse of Hocus Pocus, I probably had more respect for it than I did affection. It's a groundbreaker, and at just under 80 minutes an easy watch, still a gorgeous sight to behold. I'm glad there's a film out there that depicts the traumatic horror of switching from Halloween to Christmastime. The film follows Jack Skellington as he attempts to bring Christmas to Halloweentown. Why would he do that? Morally reprehensible character! (I kid.) Voices by Chris Sarandon, Catherine O'Hara, and Paul Reubens. GRADE: B+

WRONG TURN

(Rob Schmidt, 2003)

Is this possibly the most successful direct-to-DVD franchise of the new millennium? It spawned 6 follow-ups, including sequels, prequels, and a reboot from 2 years ago. I've reviewed three of those in past horror fests, and now I get to take another look at the original. For such a long running brand, the first film wasn't that successful. In fact, when I saw it in theaters back in May 2003, I was the only person in my showing. It's not a "good" movie, but I'm not sure these films exist on a good-bad scale. The premise is very simple: a group of people with car trouble in the woods of West Virginia are stalked by a clan of inbred cannibals. It's very short, very fast paced, and pretty fun, with ridiculous scenes of people jumping through trees, and an all-timer of a beheading. The backwoods inbred cannibal subgenre of horror is among my favorites. With Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, and Jeremy Sisto. GRADE: B

HF: 1998 - I Was a Teenage Horror Lover

James Marsden, we'll get to you in a minute...

In celebration of this year's 25th anniversary, I look back on an interesting time in horror. This is probably the year that most saw the effect of Scream, with numerous films making it to the screen in hopes of getting some of that film's success. There were several other films I wanted to revisit (The Faculty, Deep Rising, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer) but couldn't get copies of in time, and there was one I never saw (Apt Pupil) that also proved hard to track down. I watched Halloween: H20 with the Halloween marathon of 2014, so I can't complete the Dawson's Creek 1998 horror trifecta, sadly. 

RINGU

(Hideo Nakata)

I'll do this one first because it's the only one of this batch that isn't a rewatch. I rewatched the remake for last year's fest. It's a film I very much love, so I was excited to finally see the original. While it can be a bit odd watching the first one second and two decades after the 2002 version has been established in popular culture, this one very much stood on its own. I'll have to see the follow-ups as I think they are supposed to be more acclaimed than the American sequels. Nakata directed the American second part, a film that was mostly disappointing. This version is almost exactly the same as the remake for the first half - a reporter investigates the conspiracy around a videotape that kills its viewer. It detours a bit in the second half, which may have been a good thing for a new viewer. GRADE: B+ 

BLADE

(Stephen Norrington)

I would've liked to have seen the sequels as I've never seen them, but every copy I came across was damaged. I hadn't seen this one since watching it on VHS in early 99, and it holds up pretty well. We'll see if the Marvel version with Mahershala Ali ever gets off the ground. Wesley Snipes plays a half human, half vampire who sets out to stop a vampire group from wiping out the human race. Snipes oozes cool, and the film certainly still looks great on Blu-ray. The problem I have with this is the villains are just never interesting enough, certainly not up to Snipes and buddy Kris Kristofferson. The opening sequence, though, still bangs. Also with Stephen Dorff and Sanaa Lathan. GRADE: B

CAMPFIRE TALES

(Matt Cooper, Martin Kunert, and David Semel)

Direct-to-video anthology about a group of teens who tell each other campfire stories after wrecking their car. The film opens with a short depicting the classic hooked killer in a make out spot. The rest of the tales are as follows: one involving a newlywed couple RV-ing in a spot where creatures are rumored to roam, the second has a young girl being stalked online and then in her house by a predator, and the third features a motorcyclist staying at a farm with a mute woman haunted by ghosts. The first one probably could've been expanded to a feature, and the second is the most traditionally scary going to some dark places. The third is an odd choice to end things, especially considering how the wraparound story ends. A good cast leads this little seen gem not many know about, sadly it doesn't appear to be streaming anywhere and the DVDs are out of print. With Ron Livingston, Christine Taylor, Glenn Quinn, and brief appearances by Amy Smart and James Marsden. GRADE: B+

DISTURBING BEHAVIOR

(David Nutter)

Ah, James Marsden. Before I get into this film, I must confess my eternal love for James and how in this film he's probably like, Top 5 Men for me. Maybe Top 3. Possibly #1. A moody Pacific Northwest late 90's guy wearing flannel, staring at the bay. Doesn't get much better than that. I must also confess that I still have the soundtrack and it barely plays because I wore it out replaying The Flys "Got You Where I Want You". Ah, 1998. (Still frustrating "Flagpole Sitta" wasn't on it despite being used in the film and marketing.) Anyways, 2 decades after The Stepford Wives and 2 decades before Get Out, there was Disturbing Behavior, which was from some of the people who worked on "The X-Files". In the town of Cradle Bay, a group of loners stumble on to a conspiracy where teenagers are being turned into perfect, Straight-A students. The problem is when their normal teenage impulses hit, they lose control. They get horny, they get violent. This was probably the first viewing of this I've had in 20 or so years, and I'm happy to report it held up even if I would still love a director's cut with the 20-or-so minutes of deleted scenes put back in. There's a lot of clever writing and Nick Stahl is so fucking good. I could've gone without Katie Holmes saying "Razor!" three times, though. But...Mr. Marsden...

What's your favorite song? Maybe we could hum along. I think you're smart, you sweet thing. Tell me your name, I'm dying here. AaaOOOOOOHHHH! GRADE: James Marsden: A+ (and a B+ for the movie)

JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES

(John Carpenter)

No John Carpenters were injured in the making of this blog post. The horror legend's western homage focusing on the leader (James Woods) of a crew of a vampire hunters searching the American Southwest for bloodsuckers. When his crew is wiped out, he uses a recently converted woman (Sheryl Lee) to find the vampire king. I haven't seen this at all since watching it in early '99. It seems like a movie that's mostly been forgotten. It did spawn a direct-to-video sequel starring Jon Bon Jovi. Great cinematography and score at the start, but it soon loses some of its edge once it goes more horror, less western. Also, it's pretty misogynistic sadly. I have to wonder if this would've been received better had From Dust Till Dawn not opened two years prior. Also with Daniel Baldwin and Thomas Ian Griffith. GRADE: B

PHANTOMS

(Joe Chappelle)

Two sisters (Joanna Going and Rose McGowan) find their small, snowy Colorado town under attack by an unknown deadly presence. The local police (led by Ben Affleck, who as it turns out is NOT the bomb in this) try to contain it, and a conspiracy nut (Peter O'Toole) is brought in to help. Scripted by Dean Koontz, the film begins quite moody and has a nice mystery to it, but it loses its way after the first act and then tries to throw in everything including the kitchen sink. Literally. A notorious bomb with both audiences and critics, I - unsurprisingly - enjoyed it back in the day. Also unsurprisingly, it does not hold up and is just too much of a mess. Liev Schreiber also appears. GRADE: C

PSYCHO

(Gus Van Sant)

Mention this film and 90% of the response will range from anger to lectures of "everything that's wrong with movies today!" That was even true 25 years ago, and I was in the small minority who actually enjoyed it. Remaking classics is obviously sacrilege, but doing an exact recreation with a bunch of then-hot names? Eyebrows were raised. To sum up Entertainment Weekly at time time: "Terrible idea. Can't wait to see it." It has its fans, but most probably would prefer it be forgotten. I surprisingly enjoyed going back and seeing what worked and what didn't. All of Marion's scenes remain strong thanks to Anne Heche, Vince Vaughn is a bit of a mixed bag as Norman. Didn't care for Viggo Mortensen or Julianne Moore, both seemed a little too actorly in their portrayals. Loved the kitsch-heavy production design and costumes. It's a bit like a modern magazine spread inspired by a classic movie - nice to look at, but ultimately kinda hollow. Still, I have to look at it as a love letter to the original slasher. GRADE: B

URBAN LEGEND

(Jamie Blanks)

Of all the Scream-knockoffs that populated the late 90's/early aughts, Urban Legend is probably among the best of the new age slashers. A killer on a college campus is using popular folklore to murder co-eds, with Natalie (Alicia Witt) seemingly the main target. Is there a connection to a rampage that happened decades earlier? While it doesn't quite transcend its clichés the way Scream did, Urban is still a lot of fun thanks to how it incorporates them and its game cast. It's never too wink-wink, mostly playing things straight, though there is an amusing moment involving a certain Paula Cole song and some horror faves in the supporting cast. I only wish the killer's look had been a bit more memorable. At least I Know What You Did Last Summer had a fisherman's outfit, whereas this is just a parka and an ax? There was a reboot in development a few years back, and it might be a franchise worth revisiting in the digital age. Also with Rebecca Gayheart, Joshua Jackson, Loretta Devine and future Oscar-winner Jared Leto. GRADE: B+

This is it. No man will ever be hotter. 

HF: What an Excellent Year For Some Exorcising

Having only ever seen the first film and with a new one in theaters, I decided this was the perfect time to make my way through this franchise. Given there are multiple cuts of some of the installments, I made note of which versions I watched. 

THE EXORCIST

(William Friedkin, 1973 - Theatrical Cut)

I believe my first viewing of this classic happened in the very late 90's when I was a teenager. I've always found the film to be somewhat overrated both as a film and "the scariest movie of all time". I'll credit this mostly to the fact that I don't find demonic possession particularly scary. There is no doubt, though, it's a very good film and a classic for a reason. It builds very well, with great characters played by terrific actors, and a final act that still hasn't been topped in the possession subgenre of horror. Though many have certainly tried. Ellen Burstyn plays an actress renting a Georgetown townhouse with her daughter (Linda Blair), who becomes possessed by a violent entity. Father Karras (Jason Miller, who doesn't get enough credit for his performance) has been slowly losing his religion when he becomes involved in the case, and the legendary Max von Sydow shows up in the titular role. Groundbreaking makeup and sound work, the film was a phenomenon upon release, and I've met people who even after all these years refuse to watch it. Happy 50th! GRADE: A-

THE EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC

(John Boorman, 1977 - 117 minute original theatrical cut.)

When I was younger, I would often hear this film regarded as one of the worst sequels of all-time. I'm not sure if the DVD generation reversed that, but it does seem like its gotten somewhat of a newfound appreciation despite it still not being good. It tries a lot of things, many of them not at all successful. But it's that rare sequel people can't accuse of being a copycat of the original. Father Lamont (Richard Burton) is called in to investigate the death of Father Merrin, and meets Regan, who is now under the care of a psychiatrist (Louise Fletcher). There's also telepathy, loads of glass, locusts, and the demon gets a name: Pazuzu. The film is an absolute mess, quite bad at times, but also never boring. Also with Ned Beatty, James Earl Jones, and Max von Sydow is seen in flashbacks. GRADE: C

THE EXORCIST III

(William Peter Blatty, 1990 - 110 minute theatrical cut.)

Easily the best of the follow-ups, the third part was directed by the original film's author. It was his second and last directorial film. A police lieutenant (George C. Scott) investigates a series of killings that are linked to a serial killer who was executed years earlier. Solid performances, several unnerving sequences, and an all-timer of a jump scare, but part three's exorcism feels forced into the storyline as do the connections to the original. There's a director's cut called Legion I would like to see, as apparently Blatty was unhappy with the theatrical version. Also with Jason Miller returning (somewhat) as Father Karras, as well as Scott Wilson and Brad Dourif. GRADE: B

EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING

(Renny Harlin, 2004)

DOMINION: PREQUEL TO THE EXORCIST

(Paul Schrader, 2005)

The behind the scenes story of these films is probably more interesting than either one. In late 2002, Schrader began filming a prequel to the classic film. After wrapping, Warner execs screened the film, hated it, and demanded reshoots. Schrader shot new footage, but Warner ultimately fired him off the project and decided to make an entirely new film. In late 2003, Harlin made his film, and it was released at the end of summer 2004. After that film bombed with critics and audiences, there was interest in what film Schrader would have made and he was given a small budget to complete the footage he had worked on and make a new cut. It was given a small release in the spring of 2005. Neither version is particularly good, but Dominion is better. Beginning has a laughable final act, while Dominion still feels semi-unfinished. The visual effects in both versions are pretty bad. Both versions follow the story of Father Merrin's (Stellan Skarsgård) time in Africa when he first encounters demonic possession. A small number of scenes are the same, and different actors show up as the same character. Beginning features Izabella Scorupco and James D'Arcy, while Dominion has Clara Bellar and Gabriel Mann. GRADES: Beginning: C-; Dominion: C+

THE EXORCIST: BELIEVER

(David Gordon Green, 2023)

The folks responsible for the hugely successful Halloween reboot of 2018 and its ill-conceived follow-ups take a stab at this franchise with middling results. Believer starts out strongly enough and for the first half or so, it looked to be a decent outing. However, once the possession stuff kicks in, there's far too much unintentional humor. Outside of the dual possessions, there isn't much new brought to the table. Leslie Odom Jr stars as a photographer who lost his wife in an earthquake in Haiti, but they were able to save her unborn child. 13 years later, the girl disappears with a fellow student only to return 3 days later with no understanding of the time lapse. In a matter of days, both girls exude bizarre behavior and you know the rest of it. The film brings back Ellen Burstyn, but wastes her. There's plans for 2 more, but don't be surprised if neither materializes given this film's lackluster reception. Also with Ann Dowd and Jennifer Nettles. GRADE: C

Ranking the franchise:

1. The Exorcist

2. The Exorcist III

3. Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist

4. The Exorcist: Believer

5. The Exorcist II: The Heretic

6. Exorcist: The Beginning

HF: Angela Bassett did the vampire thing

CONSECRATION

(Christopher Smith, 2023)

An eye doctor (Jena Malone) must go to Scotland to help in the investigation of her brother, a priest, who died in a bizarre murder/suicide. Outside of a somewhat clever final act twist, this is fairly routine and uninvolving church-is-up-to-something thriller. Danny Huston appears as a Vatican priest named Father Romero, because of course. Malone is solid, though, which I'm happy to report as I too often find her acting to be very affected. Beautiful shots of Scotland's Isle of Skye! GRADE: C 

EVIL DEAD RISE

(Lee Cronin, 2023)

One of the more interesting aspects of going back and reading my past thoughts on films in various Horrorfests is seeing the evolution of how films are made and how they are watched. And one thing must be noted about this one is just how damned dark its photography is and how so many current films (and series, I've heard) share the same problem. That aside, I must admit to being slightly disappointed with this, which concerns a reunion between sisters (Alyssa Sutherland and Lily Sullivan) on the night of a rainstorm and the unleashing of the buried Book of the Dead. It doesn't come anywhere near the highs of previous installments and perhaps moving the action out of the woods into a dilapidated LA apartment building was a mistake. The strengths are a terrific performance by the striking Sutherland, some gnarly gore, and fun references to the previous entries. GRADE: B- 

IDLE HANDS

(Rodman Flender, 1999)

Final Destination's Devon Sawa plays a teenage slacker whose hand becomes possessed by a demon. Well, became. The film picks up in the midst of the action and doesn't really let up. It has almost no time for explanation or worldbuilding, and ends with some massive holes. Add to that some of the most tired and even dated for the time stoner jokes, plus the film's lustful gaze at a just-turned-17 Jessica Alba, and this is one crude comedy that deserves to be forgotten. I will admit it's kind of shocking it took me so long to see this, as it came out at the height of my horror and teen movie obsession. The only thing worth remembering is Sawa's physically impressive performance. Also, damn he grew up to be a hot daddy! With Seth Green and Elden Henson.  GRADE: D

INNOCENT BLOOD

(John Landis, 1992)

A vampire (Anne Parillaud, the original Nikita) who only kills bad guys ends up on the run after biting the wrong criminal: a mob boss (Robert Loggia). Landis could balance horror and comedy as evident by his all-timer, An American Werewolf in London. But a mob comedy crossed with vampire horror proves a trickier balance, as neither totally works. The game cast is able to elevate the material, and there's some fun casting with horror filmmakers playing bit parts. I'd forgotten how hot Anthony LaPaglia was in the early 90's. With Chazz Palminteri, Angela Bassett, and Don Rickles. GRADE: C+ 

JAKOB'S WIFE

(Travis Stevens, 2021)

A small-town minister's wife is bitten by a vampire and finds a new lust for life...and blood. The performances of genre faves Barbara Crampton and Larry Fessenden anchor this, and the two play off of each other very well right up to the amusing last shot. It's a welcome change to see a horror led by actors who can get an AARP discount. I found the dark comedy aspects to work a bit better than the horror, as the latter occasionally stumble due to the low budget. The Nun herself, Bonnie Aarons, co-stars as The Master, and CM Punk also appears. GRADE: B

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER

(André Øvredal, 2023)

Vampires on a boat! Taking a small part of Bram Stoker's classic and expanding it to feature length is not a bad idea, but Voyage is a tad too predictable and proceeds exactly as you think it will. A doctor (Corey Hawkins) is hired as part of the crew of the Demeter, a cargo ship that sets sail to London with, unbeknownst to anyone on board, Dracula in a crate. There's nothing really wrong with this film, it just doesn't generate any suspense and runs a tad too long. And has that drab nighttime photography. Ugh. With David Dalmalchian and Liam Cunningham. GRADE: C

THE OUTWATERS

(Robbie Banfitch, 2023)

This will have its fans, but I am not one of them. A group of friends camping in the desert encounters an unknown terror. Simple premise for a found footage movie, but the film devolves into hallucinogenic nonsense before ruining it all with a gruesome final scene. It's basically a found footage movie for the "If you play this record backwards..." set. Some impressive camerawork and the sound design is among the best I've heard from the genre in ages, but I was tired of it all midway through the final act. I would have liked to have seen more of the brother and his nipples. GRADE: C-

VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN

(Wes Craven, 1995)

One of my last Craven blindspots. After this, all I have is Deadly Blessing and Hills Have Eyes 2. A modern variation on Bram Stoker's "Dracula", Eddie Murphy stars as vampire Maximillian, who arrives on a cargo ship in Brooklyn looking for the daughter of a vampire from his Caribbean home. The daughter is a tough Brooklyn cop (Angela Bassett), and this awkward mishmash of romance, broad comedy (Murphy plays multiple characters in impressive makeup), and horror never comes together. It shows that Craven and Murphy thought they were making different movies, though the film isn't anywhere near as bad as its reputation suggests. And hey, you can actually make out what is happening at nighttime! Filmstock from the 90's had its advantages. GRADE: C

WATCHER

(Chloe Okuno, 2022)

A vampi...oh wait, sorry... Elegant suspense about a young American actress (Maika Monroe) who moves to Bucharest with her boyfriend after he gets a job opportunity. Not knowing the language, she finds herself isolated, a situation only worsened by a serial killer on the loose and a neighbor whose figure she finds staring at her throughout the day. Somewhat predictable, it still generates some intense moments and is a showcase for the talents of Monroe. I think Hollywood didn't really do enough with her after It Follows, and this is a welcome reminder how good she is. Can't wait for the third movie in the series of Maika-Goes-To-See-Charade-But-Has-To Leave. Also with Karl Glusman. GRADE: B+

HF: Happy Friday the 13th

BONES

(Ernest R. Dickerson, 2001)

Snoop Dogg plays a gangster who is gunned down in 1979 after being betrayed by some corrupt cops. Two decades later, a group of teens plan a party in his now rundown mansion and unwittingly unleash his spirit. This took forever to get going and once it did it sadly wasn't enough. The plotline only reminds you of how well Night of the Demons did something similar. Also with Pam Grier and Michael T. Weiss. GRADE: C

THE DARK HALF

(George A. Romero, 1993)

I've been trying to watch this one for years. Either the DVDs I came across were broken (I was once sent a DVD from Netflix that was literally cracked in half) or were in the wrong format. I'm happy I finally got to watch it for its 30th anniversary, even if the Blu-ray I was watching froze halfway through. Luckily, it continued playing through. Timothy Hutton plays a writer who after being blackmailed decides to come out as the ghost writer or a series of trashy novels, only to find that his creation has now taken on a life of its own. Entertaining, but it has that problem that some of Stephen King adaptations have where they keep establishing rules for their universe, plus Hutton doesn't come off as particularly menacing as the alter ego. With the wonderful Amy Madigan, and genre faves Michael Rooker, Robert Joy, and Claire Bloom. GRADE: B-

EXTRATERRESTRIAL

(Colin Minihan, 2014)

I'm always down for an alien invasion/abduction film, and this is the first of two for this edition. It's the better one, which is like saying pissing your pants is better than shitting your pants. A group of obnoxious characters goes to a cabin in the woods where aliens soon arrive. The aliens and their spaceship are the typical kind seen in many movies, but luckily the effects aren't anywhere near as bad as they could be. Low budget, but not quite bad enough to be entertaining. A rather dull affair, though lead actress Brittany Allen has some talent and the Magnetic Fields needle drop was a nice touch. Also with an amusing Michael Ironside and Gil Bellows. GRADE: C-

HOUSE OF THE DEAD

(Uwe Boll, 2003)

My first Uwe Boll "film"! Notorious bomb in which a group of people go to the not-at-all ominous sounding "Isla del Morte" for a rave. (Is that all we were doing in the early aughts?) Once there, they find the place empty and destroyed, and soon they're joined by the undead. This is a bad movie, but it is kinda fun and Boll's direction is so ridiculous that at least its not a boring slog. For some reason, during the action set pieces we get inserts of the video game. Also, there is Matrix-y camerawork, which probably looked dated even by 2003. Definitely one to watch while on something. With Halloween 4 & 5's Ellie Cornell, and Clint Howard. GRADE: D

NIGHT SKIES

(Roy Knyrim, 2007)

Amusingly inept alien abduction film about a group of twentysomethings RV-ing near the site of 1997's Phoenix Lights. (Senator John McCain appears in news footage at the beginning, so this is probably one of Meghan's favorite films.) After engine trouble, they are stalked by a group of aliens (some extras in Party City costumes) and eventually abducted to the space craft (a set piece where it looks like they used half the Silly String in existence.) Horrible acting, horrible everything, but if you watch it as a comedy, you might enjoy yourself. With A.J. Cook, Joseph Sikora, and George Stults. GRADE: D

ROAD GAMES

(Richard Franklin, 1981)

Laid back Aussie thriller about an American trucker (Stacy Keach) hired to drive across the Outback who believes he's trailing a serial killer of young women. Director Franklin apparently was a Hitchcock disciple, as he went on to direct Psycho 2 two years after this. His deft direction, the film's off kilter sense of humor, and Keach's great character work make this a memorable hidden gem. It's a bit more leisurely paced than most American slashers of the era. With Jamie Lee Curtis, for the second time playing a young hitchhiker getting into trouble with a man twice her age. GRADE: B+

TERRIFIER

(Damien Leone, 2018)

Two friends find themselves stalked by a terrifying clown on Halloween night. A very simple premise for an otherwise brutal film, I decided to check this out after the sleeper success of last year's sequel. While I will probably eventually get around to watching that film as it is said to be a big improvement over this one, it's not too high on my list. The practical makeup effects are wildly impressive, but the pervasive gore just gets boring after awhile. I dug the Cat Lady, though! With David Howard Thornton in the titular role. GRADE: C

THE UNBORN

(David S. Goyer, 2009)

A young woman (Odette Yustman...Megan Fox?) finds out she had a twin brother who died in the womb, and now a malicious spirit is trying to take over her. And also something about the Holocaust. This film is trying to do a bit more than most of the remakes of the time, but it all ends up being the typical Woman Sees Spirits / Woman Investigates Spirit / Woman Stumbles Onto Conspiracy / Veteran Actors Try To Help Woman / Woman Is Too Stupid To Realize Twist / Everything Has a Bluish Tint. With Gary Oldman, Idris Elba, and Jane Alexander. GRADE: D+

WOULD YOU RATHER

(David Guy Levy, 2013)

A deranged millionaire (Jeffrey Combs) invites a group of desperate people to a dinner party where he makes them play sadistic rounds of "Would You Rather?" Guests have to make the choice of getting electrocuted, whipped, stabbed, and that's just for starters. I think some of the guests die a little too easy, even if we squirm at most of the situations being presented. The actors seem to struggle with the material, though Combs is a lot of fun. The party guests include Brittany Snow, John Heard, Enver Gjokaj, Sasha Grey, and June Squibb. GRADE: C+

Horrorfest '23 is Here!

This year will feature a look at the horrors of 1998, many anniversary re-watches, and (hopefully) my take on The Exorcist and its sequels/prequels. Kicking things off with some newish/recent stuff...

A HAUNTING IN VENICE
(Kenneth Branagh, 2023)
Third part in the series of Branagh's adaptations of Agatha Christie's classics, this one is an adaptation of "Hallowe'en Party". Quality wise, it's about in line with the other two, but most seem to like this one more. (At least it doesn't have any cannibals or rapists. Yet.) Branagh's Poirot comes out of retirement to investigate a murder at a seance in a decaying palazzo a few years after the end of World War II. An able cast, great production design and cinematography, and some solid mood early on, but I ultimately felt nothing for anything that was happening. The actual mystery and resolution was a yawn, but Tina Fey's Rosalind Russell routine adds some kick. Also with Jamie Dornan, Kelly Reilly, and Michelle Yeoh. GRADE: C+

HORROR IN THE HIGH DESERT

(Dutch Marich, 2021)

Fauxumentary about a missing hiker, Gary Hinge, who vanished in the wilds of Northern Nevada. His sister, roommate, a journalist, and a private investigator recall the events leading up to his disappearance. Clocking in at about 80 minutes, the film does a good job of making you care about Gary (Eric Mencis) which makes the footage of his likely final moments even more potent. Who knew a shot of a desert bush could be so unnerving? The film ultimately hinges, ahem, on how you feel about found footage/mockumentary types of horror. The acting by the P.I. and roommate was quite bad, which took me out of things. The night footage of the desert did work for me, so I guess I'll have to check out the sequel. GRADE: B-

IT LIVES INSIDE

(Bishal Dutta, 2023)

An Indian-American high school student who has largely rejected her heritage must use it to defeat a demonic presence that has latched on to her after causing her former best friend's disappearance. Derivative, certainly, but it has its moments, and I liked that the creature looked like something out of a 90's movie (i.e. it looked like the result of practical effects and not CGI). Probably indie studio Neon's most mainstream horror. With Megan Suri, Neeru Bajwa and Get Out's Betty Gabriel. GRADE: B-

NANNY

(Nikyatu Jusu, 2022)

A Senegalese woman (Anna Diop) is hired as a nanny for a wealthy American couple (Michelle Monaghan and Morgan Spector) and the pursuit of the American dream along with the absence of her own child causes her to psychologically deteriorate. Jusu and Diop are both talents to watch, and the directorial flourishes show promise. The screenplay, however, needed work as it all ends up being fairly predictable and anticlimactic. GRADE: B-

THE NUN 2

(Michael Chaves, 2023)

Follow-up to 2018's decent but unspectacular Conjuring-verse entry, this one finds Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) as she once again comes face to face with the demonic nun (Bonnie Aarons). Overlong, with nothing new to add. The one interesting sequence, shown in the trailer of course, finds a wind blowing magazines open to form the face of the evil sister. Despite being set in the 50's, the film also has lights making that sound when overhead long lightbulbs flicker. Can horror films please stop doing that? Also with Storm Reid and Jonas Bloquet. GRADE: C-

PREY

(Dan Trachtenberg, 2022)

Thankfully better than the last two mediocre installments in the franchise - both of which I viewed in past Horrorfests, this Hulu Original is one of rare streaming films that deserved a theatrical release. In 1719, a young Comanche (Amber Midthunder) must protect her tribe from an alien predator that has landed nearby. Between this and 10 Cloverfield Lane, Trachtenberg should be the go-to guy for cleverly rebooting a franchise in a new, interesting direction. The predator effects are top notch, as is the stunning cinematography. The animals could have used a little work, though. GRADE: B+

SICK

(John Hyams, 2023)

Kevin Williamson (Scream) co-scripted this home invasion film set in the first weeks of COVID. Two college girls head to a family lake house during lockdown. In the middle of the night, an intruder breaks in. The first and third act do a good job of playing on the fears of the early days of the pandemic, while the middle is strictly typical home invasion tropes. That said, I loved that the masked killer was constantly moving/running as opposed to just lurking, and the characters fight back in a surprisingly realistic way. There's some very clever camerawork, too. Some might have a problem with the reveal of why everything is happening, and it did feel a tad icky. With Gideon Adlon, Bethlehem Million, and the great Jane Adams. GRADE: B