Horrorfest: H/F/2

I forget to mention in my first post about the weather.  I bitched 2 years ago when a freak snowstorm finished out October, and last year we got Hurricane Sandy.  This year, October began with unusually warm weather (highs in the mid 80's) and now it's raining nonstop.  Fitting that the next movie in my fest is about an earthquake, because that's probably where we're headed.

AFTERSHOCK
(Nicolas Lopez , 2013)
Eli Roth co-wrote, co-produced, co-stars and co-catered (seriously, his name is in the opening credits like seven times) this "horror-ish" film is about a group of travelers in Chile battling the effects of a massive earthquake.  What Mother Nature didn't kill, human nature will finish off!  (Taglines by Darren!)  The first third is just a travelogue with our characters bouncing from club to club, and it feels like they realized the running time was too short and padded the beginning scenes.  Selena Gomez even stops in for an arbitrary cameo.  The earthquake itself is decently staged, despite a very low budget.  Lots of bloody carnage, but once the action moves outside it should feel a lot more dangerous than it does.  There's not much dread, and our characters go from one bloody encounter to the next.  Looters and gangs provide most of the danger.  Basically, it's a bloodier, cheaper Roland Emmerich movie.  Cool ending shot, though.  GRADE: C-

C.H.U.D.
(Douglas Cheek, 1984)
C.H.U.D. meaning Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers.  Even with a title like that, there's little fun to be had in this very very 80's shocker about a photographer and journalist teaming up to find out if mutant cannibals living in the sewers are causing a rash of murders.  (Hint: they are.)  I'm surprised this hasn't been remade as it seems to have a small following and a decent enough story pitch.  I guess the closest thing since has been Mimic.  That said, it's a very bland film and only a few days later I'm having trouble remembering most of it.  A film like this needs to go full-on gross out goriness to work.  Pre-Home Alone John Heard and Daniel Stern star, and John Goodman has a brief appearance as a cop.  GRADE: C

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4: THE DREAM MASTER
(Renny Harlin, 1988)
After the superior third installment, this is a pretty weak offering.  The second film had the gay angle, the third one had the suicide storyline, but this one is just straight ahead Freddy Krueger killing teens with no subtext.  There's some inventive sequences, but here Freddy becomes rote and non-threatening.  The acting and dialogue is very 80's teen movie, distracting instead of charming.  Future Oscar-winner Brian Helgeland co-scripted.  I didn't even realize until afterwards that the main character is the same one from the third film (there played by Patricia Arquette), here played by a different actress.  Her character goes into the fifth film, so I really just have to see that and the sixth and then I'm finished this franchise.  GRADE: C

THE FUNHOUSE
(Tobe Hooper, 1981)
A group of teens decides to spend the night at a carnival funhouse because it seems like a fun idea and the plot requires them to.  Hooper's skill at raw terror with the first two Texas Chainsaw movies is sorely lacking in this one.  Very little suspense is generated and the deaths are an afterthought.  Even at a trim 90ish minutes, it feels too long and plods along very slowly.  A carnival could be a good place to set a horror movie, especially with all those clowns popping out of nowhere and manically laughing.  GRADE: C-

V/H/S/2
(Various, 2013)
I mostly enjoyed the first installment despite it making me almost naseous from the shakey cam (and I rarely have that problem) and the pervasive misogny.  This is a big step up from that one, and both of those problems are kept to a minimum.  It follows the same story as the first: people break into a house where they find a collection of VHS's that each play a short horror film.  The first story, in which a man is given a cyborgish eye that causes him to see ghosts, is probably the weakest.  The second, showing us a camera mounted on a man as he turns into a zombie and searches for human flesh, is better and has some nice moments of black humor.  The third is the spectacular centerpiece and would work as a full movie: a journalist and his team explore a cult leader in his compound.  The last couple of minutes in it is totally bonkers and just the sort of craziness these movies should be.  The fourth is up my alley as I love alien-related shit, and it's basically a teen house party crossed with an alien invasion.  The wrap-around story works much better this time, and the gore and creativity is plentiful.  You don't need to see V/H/S to see V/H/S/2.  I hope there's a V/H/S/3.  But yeah, that third story is probably the best thing in my horrorfest so far.  That, and this film's cameo appearance by co-writer Simon Barrett.  Very nice nude scene, man.  Yum.  Horror needs more male nudity.  GRADE: B+