Horrorfest Ends with second generation Scream queens and some Wes Craven classics

HALLOWEEN ENDS

(David Gordon Green, 2022)

Hello, yes, I would like to know why there's a Fear remake in this Halloween sequel. What a shame these last two installments have been given how much I loved the 2018 film. Michael Myers and Laurie Strode prepare to face off for the last time, but in the meantime enjoy this story about Laurie's granddaughter falling for a murderous outcast getting pointers from The Shape. The idea itself isn't bad, just the execution is off. I did like the shot of them riding on the motorcycle and the whole mode of that scene, but it's not what I want from a wrap-up of this trilogy. Like Halloween Kills, Ends at least sticks the landing and delivers a very good final 15 or so minutes. With Rohan Campbell, Andi Matichak, and Jamie Lee Curtis. GRADE: C-

HOST

(Rob Savage, 2020)

Shortish film about a Zoom seance gone wrong. Released two years ago amidst the pandemic, this had a lot of buzz at the time and it was fully earned. Superior to the similar Unfriended films, this could have easily been expanded to full feature length. I'm glad it avoided that franchise's main problem of too small boxes of information/text popping up in the frame. Apparently the director's follow up film, Dash Cam, wasn't very good so I'll probably skip that one. The cast is believable in their respective parts, though I was left wanting to know how they knew each other given the cross-continental friendships. GRADE: B+ 

THE INVITATION

(Jessica M. Thompson, 2022)

I think this hit every annoying thing modern horror movies do: blue/green tint, too dark, loud sounds, unlikeable or outright obnoxious characters, cheap digital look, and PG-13 rating primarily to bring in tweens. Plus, it rips off the title of a much better film, in this case Karyn Kusama's film from 2016. This was at one point called The Bride. A struggling artist finds out she is related to a wealthy British family and accepts an invite to attend a wedding at their massive country estate where the family has sinister intentions for her. Not scary and not even entertaining. With Nathalie Emmanuel and Thomas Doherty. GRADE: D+ 

MEN

(Alex Garland, 2022)

Fantastic actress Jessie Buckley plays a woman trying to overcome the suicide of her partner by going to a country cottage. She finds herself fighting off the attention of the various local men (all played by Rory Kinnear) who initially creep her out before their intentions turn violent. I really liked this until the final act when it just loses itself in obvious allegory. My opinion of it since watching has already lowered a bit, which sucks because some of the film's early scenes were quite unnerving. Buckley, however, remains an absolute marvel. GRADE: B-

NOPE

(Jordan Peele, 2022)

The nature of spectacle and its impact on us is examined in this science fiction mashup, as a brother and sister find their horse ranch threatened by an alien life form hiding in a cloud directly above them. This was frustrating because there's something about this that just didn't totally work for me. I'm not sure if it was the screenplay needed another polish or what. Because, man, when it does work it has some absolutely enthralling moments and the cast is just terrific. (Though in his second collaboration with Peele, Daniel Kaluuya seems to be sleepwalking.) It may have the best sound design of the year, too. With Keke Palmer, Steven Yeun, and Brandon Perea. GRADE: B

PREY FOR THE DEVIL

(Daniel Stamm, 2022)

Typical PG-13 exorcism film in which a young nun (Jacqueline Byers) joins the Roman Catholic Church's exorcism school to help a young girl who is possessed by a demon - possibly the same one that took the nun's mother when she was just a girl. It proceeds exactly as you imagine it will if you've seen any other film of its ilk, but the feminism angle is probably the most interesting aspect about it. Apparently nuns aren't allowed to perform exorcisms!?! The ending is an eye-roller and was kinda ruined in the early trailers. With Christian Navarro who looks hot in the priest uniform, and genre fave Virginia Madsen. GRADE: C-

Q THE WINGED SERPENT

(Larry Cohen, 1982)

This 1980's B-movie unquestionably has it's fans (Bong Joon-ho, for instance!), sad to say I'm very much not one of them. I found most of this to be a snooze. A winged Aztec creature is wreaking havoc on New York City, and only a conman knows where the nest is. The effects were probably awful looking even at its release, and most of the characters are annoying. I did like that the film's depiction of New York City felt vivid and not like a typical movie. With Michael Moriarty, David Carradine, and Richard Roundtree. GRADE: C-

SMILE

(Parker Finn, 2022)

Currently a pretty big hit, this film proves what many of us have known for a long time: that someone smiling at you is really unsettling. A psychologist (Sosie Bacon, Kevin's daughter) witnesses a patient commit suicide, and in the days following begins having supernatural hauntings and visions mostly associated with people eerily smiling at her. There's no doubt about it: this "borrows" pretty heavily from both The Ring and It Follows. It still works pretty well, and the last act has some potent nightmare fuel. I really dug the score, too. Also with recent genre Scream king Kyle Gallner and the great Rob Morgan. GRADE: B

And some rewatches...

THE RING

(Gore Verbinski, 2002)

Happy 20th! Obviously, this is a rewatch though one of these days I'll have to finally view the original. I think this film is probably to blame for a lot of the cliches of modern horror, though it still works so well as an elegant, old fashioned mystery. Naomi Watts (in her first of several horror remakes) stars as a reporter whose niece mysteriously dies in a conspiracy involving her friends watching a videotape in a remote cabin. The film probably came out at the last possible moment given the advancing technology, or perhaps this was just the final nail in the coffin of VHS. Beautiful cinematography (I don't think any genre entry since has topped this filtered look but Jesus H. Christ have many of them tried) and Hans Zimmer's haunting score masterfully aid Verbinski's tight direction. With Martin Henderson (seen this year deliciously tighty whitie'd in X) and the always great Brian Cox. GRADE: A-

...a trio of early Wes Craven films.

THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT

(1972)

Craven's first film and original shocker turns 50 and hasn't lost any of its potency in the half century since its release. I saw this first in the late 90's and didn't care for it. It's a pretty crass film, and not one that I would ever consider recommending to casual film viewers. You almost forget about the weird, goofy police subplot and only remember the visceral violence and the whole gross atmosphere. It's a very simple premise: a quartet of criminals kidnap, rape and kill two wholesome teenage girls. The criminals find themselves in the home of one of the girls where the parents slowly realize what happened and plot revenge. It was also the plot of Ingmar Bergman's great The Virgin Spring. (And, of course, 2009's very good but more polished Last House remake with Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter, and Garret Dillahunt.) Wes proved a force to be reckoned with, one capable of making bold statements about violence's place in society and what ordinary people can be driven to do. GRADE: B+

THE HILLS HAVE EYES

(1977)

Five years after Last House, Craven examines more familial violence in this tale of dueling tribes: one a modern clan on a trip through the desert and the other the desert's inbred, cannibalistic dwellers. Hills is equally grainy, grindhouse-y as Last House, though slightly more polished. The film's centerpiece, in which one brood violently assaults the other in all sorts of ways, still holds power. It sadly suffers from comparison to 2006's remake, which ups the ante in terms of the brutality of the violence depicted. I haven't seen the sequel to the original film, but I have seen the sequel to the remake. (The remake's sequel is not a direct remake of the original sequel. Have a headache yet?) Apparently, Craven borderline disowned the follow-up, which was filmed just before he did A Nightmare on Elm Street. GRADE: B

SWAMP THING

(1982)

Craven also had some behind the scenes issues with this, his first foray into more mainstream filmmaking. An adaptation of DC Comics comic books, the film follows a scientist who after an accident is turned into a swamp plant monster. And he tries to get revenge! This is a nice plot instead of cities being leveled, monsters from other planets trying to destroy ours, etc. Remember when the stakes were so much more simple? Swamp Thing is pretty fun, an old fashioned science fiction yarn with some enjoying 80's action thrown in. The script was aggressively trimmed during production, and the film could have used a little more breathing room. Adrienne Barbeau is the perfect Beauty to Swamp Thing's Beast (Ray Wise, in human form), and I loved her sidekick, Jude (Reggie Batts). Craven never really directed another "mainstream big budget" film in his career, sadly. I'm not sure when exactly I even saw this for the first time. Possibly in the early 90's, before I even knew who Wes Craven was? GRADE: B+

I managed an even higher number this year than last year, which was my all-time highest number of horror & horror adjacent films during the Sept/Oct period. *pats self on back*

Happy Halloween!

HF: Cat People & Poltergeist

CAT PEOPLE

(Jacques Tourneur, 1942) & (Paul Schrader, 1982)

Apparently there is a follow-up to the 1942 film, but I couldn't locate it. This film is my first Val Lewton and I look forward to diving into his work a bit more in the future. The 1942 film follows an engineer (Kent Smith) who falls in love with a mysterious Serbian woman (Simone Simon) with a fascination for the zoo's black panther. He begins to learn she might actually be a "cat person", a person who when aroused turns into a feline. The 1982 film shows a similar storyline with a zoologist (John Heard) falling for the mysterious virgin (Natassja Kinski). Both films have two scenes in common, one of which involves the woman's competition (Jane Randolph in the original, Annette O'Toole in the remake) being stalked in a swimming pool. That sequence in the original stills packs a punch, a wildly unnerving sequence even after 80 years. The first film runs only 75 minutes, and offers a more psychological approach. The remake, and this shouldn't shock anyone given who made the film, offers lots of sex and violence in a lurid atmosphere. It also features music by David Bowie, of course. I loved both films, and appreciate how they are both very much products of their respective eras. GRADES: A-

POLTERGEIST

(Tobe Hooper, 1982)

I watched this at some point in the late 90's (I think?) and didn't much care for it. I figured it appropriate to give it a second chance for its 40th anniversary given how beloved it is. Lo and behold, I loved it this time. The film follows a family (led by Craig T. Nelson and JoBeth Williams) that's experiencing a haunting in their new home in a new development in California. Despite numerous rip-offs and parodied moments, Hooper's film (though rumored to be 'ghost directed' by Spielberg) works wonderfully after all these years. Gorgeous cinematography, and I really loved Williams as the mother. Outside of an effect scene or two, most of the effect sequences have held up really well. Practical effects will do that! GRADE: A-

POLTERGEIST II: THE OTHER SIDE

(Brian Gibson, 1986)

Taking place a year after the events of the first film, The Freeling Family moves in with Diane's mother but find their hauntings aren't yet over. The burial ground from the first film has a cave beneath it where a sinister preacher named Kane (Julian Beck) led his followers to their death in the early 1800's. Beck is the thing that most works about this sequel. It was nominated for an Oscar for Visual Effects, though the ending sequence is hilariously dated and really doesn't work. On the flip side, the great Zelda Rubinstein was nominated for a Razzie for both this and the third installment. Neither were earned, stupid Razzies! GRADE: B-

POLTERGEIST III

(Gary Sherman, 1988)

Oof, this was bad. Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke, who tragically died at just 12 years old a few months before the film's release) is sent to Chicago to live with relatives (Tom Skerritt and Nancy Allen) while attending a special school for gifted children. The ghosts led by Kane inevitably appear, this time through her high rise building's many mirrors. Not scary, with incoherent editing and story. It also features a young Lara Flynn Boyle as the family's very 80's daughter. The film rightfully bombed upon release, though apparently there were plans for a fourth film which would have been a prequel that followed Kane and his followers. That sounds like it might have been worth exploring. GRADE: D

After that, there was a TV series that ran on Showtime and Syfy (then Sci-Fi) for 88 episodes. I have not seen a single one.

I did see the 2015 remake which I reviewed here. I liked it, mostly for the easy chemistry of Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt. 

HF: What are Cronenberg family reunions like?

AMERICAN MARY

(Jen and Sylvia Soska, 2012)

Modern scream queen Katharine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps, among many others) stars as a brilliant but financially struggling med student who begins taking side jobs doing body modification surgeries. She eventually gets entangled in a murder, and has to sew, stitch and suture her way out. I was vibing with this for most of the running time, but it loses steam in the last act. Isabelle, however, is an absolute delight. The end results of the body mod work made me squirm more than any surgery or gore sequence. GRADE: B

ANGEL HEART

(Alan Parker, 1987)

Mickey Rourke stars as a 1950's Brooklyn private eye hired by a shady man (Robert De Niro) to find the whereabouts of a musician. The investigation takes him to New Orleans and into voodoo culture, as bodies start stacking up. I'm not familiar with most (or any, really) of Rourke's 80's oeuvre, but he's quite good here. The twist being so obvious prevents the film from being as engaging as it should, though its not without its thrills. Quite controversial upon release, it nearly earned a X-rating because of the graphic sex scene between Rourke and Lisa Bonet. Also with Charlotte Rampling. GRADE: B

ANTIVIRAL

(Brandon Cronenberg, 2012)

In the future, society's celeb worship has gotten so out of control that people purchase designer viruses to get the same illnesses their favorite celebrities do. A worker (Caleb Landry Jones, who else?) who deals the sickness gets involved in a murder mystery when the current It Girl (Sarah Gadon) dies. So the metaphor is really on the nose, but the film has that distinct feel of a stilted but interesting first feature from a filmmaker who will go on to make something really impressive. And Cronenberg (son of David), did: 2020's Possessor was one of that year's best. GRADE: B-

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

(Drew Goddard, 2012)

Happy 10th to one of the best horror films of the past decade! Probably the greatest meta deconstruction of the genre since Scream, it follows a group of college students trip to a cabin in the woods and the horrors that await both them and the world as a whole. I love the film's examination of horror as a societal necessity, pushing each element to a grander scale. Anchored by clever writing and a slam-bang, all-time great climax, the comedy and horror beautifully mesh together with a game ensemble that balances both genres effortlessly. It was an absolute blast watching this again. With Chris Hemsworth, Bradley Whitford, and Richard Jenkins. GRADE: A 

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE

(David Cronenberg, 2022)

David's first film in 8 years shows a futuristic society where surgery is the new sex, and people being cut open is like an art show. A blending of the Canadian auteur's styles, part of it being the body horror associated with his earlier work, and the other part being the psychological themes and explorations of his latter films. Unfortunately, neither really works leaving the able cast a bit stranded and weighed down by the haphazard metaphors. I would like to see Kristen Stewart work with him again, though. Viggo Mortensen, Lea Seydoux and the eternally hot Scott Speedman also star. GRADE: C 

CUBE

(Vincenzo Natali, 1997)

I have no idea what took me so long to finally see this? A group of strangers wakes up in a cube with no knowledge of how they got there or what it is they are supposed to do. Soon realizing there are traps, they must work together to figure a way out. Very stylish despite a low budget, it's worth noting how many bigger budgeted films and franchises have "borrowed" elements directly from this. It might also been ahead of its time in terms of the themes it discusses. Natali would go on to direct a handful of episodes of Hannibal as well as 2010's terrific Splice. With Nicole de Boer and Maurice Dean Wint. GRADE: B+ 

THE LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM

(Ken Russell, 1988)

Young Peter Capaldi plays an archeology student who unearths a large skull that might have belonged to a legendary snake and has a connection to a seductive wealthy woman (Amanda Donahue, vamping it up beautifully). Sex and Hell and big worms, oh my! Pretty campy and silly adaptation of Bram Stoker's novel, proving British horror isn't all ghosts lurking around large estate manors. Everyone involved with the film insists it's a comedy foremost, but it has enough lascivious thrills and blood. I'm a bit surprised there's never been a more serious adaptation, though the book is said to be quite different. Also with a young Hugh Grant. GRADE: B- 

THE MONSTER SQUAD

(Fred Dekker, 1987)

I hadn't seen this in entirety since I was maybe in my preteen years? It has been awhile. For my generation and older, it has a pretty decent cult following despite having bombed when it was released. It's pretty obvious watching it now just how cut up the film was and could have easily benefitted from a longer running time and a bit more padding. Apparently the studio wanted it to not run longer than 90 minutes, and the film flies by as is. A group of pre-teens obsessed with monster movies must face Dracula and his gang of monsters after they are unleashed on the modern world. It's slight, but fun. They've tried to remake it a few times and I guess the rights to use the iconic monsters would be an issue now. GRADE: B 

ORPHAN: FIRST KILL

(William Brent Bell, 2022)

I wasn't the biggest fan of 2009's Orphan, perhaps in part because I knew of its infamous twist months before its release date. I found it just okay. I was looking forward to this prequel, but figured it was garbage because Paramount gave it the simultaneous streaming/theaters release. Couldn't have been more wrong as this may be the camp horror classic of the last few years. Taking place 2 years before the events of the first film, this chapter follows Esther (played once again by Isabelle Fuhrman) as she impersonates a wealthy family's missing daughter. I don't want to spoil anything, but the I was grinning ear to ear during the film's second half and loving the darkly funny humor of it all. This may be the best performance Julia Stiles has ever given. Between this and Malignant, modern horror really needs to embrace high camp a whole lot more. GRADE: B+

THE REEF: STALKED

(Andrew Traucki, 2022)

Sequel to 2010's true story The Reef, which I watched and enjoyed during last year's fest, focusing on a group of women doing a tour of various islands located off the coast of Australia as a tribute to their friend and sister who was murdered by her boyfriend. TRAUMA! Naturally, they get attacked and are stalked by a shark. It's a very simple premise, and for the short runtime it semi-works and generates a little suspense. Nothing new for the sharksploitation genre. The acting isn't particularly great, though. GRADE: C+

THE RELIC

(Peter Hyams, 1997)

This is a rewatch. I first saw this when it was released on VHS in the summer of '97. I think I mostly enjoyed it at the time. I don't believe I have seen a single second of it since, as it seems like it has mostly been forgotten despite doing okay numbers at the box-office upon release. It must be noted this is an aggressively dark movie, so much so that it is nearly impossible to tell what is going on for most of the last half. No idea if this is the intention or the result of bad transfers on the very dated DVD. The film itself is basically "Alien in a museum" as I'm sure the pitch went. Remember how every movie in the 90's had a pitch? Something meets something. There used to be a lot of jokes about this, but its vastly favorable to the current trend of "It's just this thing, but again." As always, I digress. The design of the creature (obscured in darkness) looks pretty silly now, even if the film delivers on the gore front. Way too much people running in underground tunnels, and it takes too long to get to the action. With Tom Sizemore and a Kindergarten Cop reunion of Penelope Ann Miller and Linda Hunt. GRADE: C

Horrorfest: I Should Probably Do Something Maybe...Later Most Likely

FEARDOTCOM

(William Malone, 2002)

Infamously on the small list of films that were given an "F" by Cinemascore, this dud from 20 years ago follows a serial killer murdering people after they log on to a website. Released about 2 months before The Ring, it's striking how many similarities the films have and how The Ring does those things successfully while this, uh, does not. Understatement of the day. The film moves from scene to scene with little sense, and Natascha McElhone (a decent actress in other projects) is epically bad here. It's also one of those films where it appears everyone is living in a crack house. Stephen Dorff and Stephen Rea also star. GRADE: D- 

FROGS

(George McCowan, 1972)

A nature-strike-back thriller that is...ribbiting. Amusing and silly, this eco-thriller follows a photographer (Sam Elliott) who becomes entangled in the birthday celebration of a southern patriarch (Ray Milland) and his family of assholes. As the festivities kick off, the local animals start going nuts. It's not just frogs, as alligators, turtles, spiders, and snakes all exact their revenge on selfish mankind. Though there certainly is enough footage of frogs to make up a documentary. I'm sure there's a joke I could make about kissing a frog to get a prince in the form of a delicious young Sam Elliott. Also with Joan Van Ark. GRADE: B-

JEEPERS CREEPERS REBORN

(Timo Vuorensola, 2022)

Reboot of the franchise (and the first installment not directed by a pedophile!) in which we learn that The Creeper was just a movie character and urban legend. At a horror festival, a young woman begins having visions of The Creeper, and after being taken to an escape room, she comes face to face with him. This chapter is particularly disappointing because we should be getting a new one in 2024 if the "every 23 years" is supposed to be believed. Hopefully, that's one with an actual budget and follows closer to the worthier first two films in the franchise. The lead actress's name is Sydney Craven, which is more amusing than anything in the film. Genre legend Dee Wallace also appears in a cameo. GRADE: D

MAN BITES DOG

(Remy Belvaux, Andre Bonzel, and Benoit Poelvoorde, 1992)

Mockumentary about a trio of French filmmakers following around a charismatic but cloying serial killer (Poelvoorde, doing double duty as co-director and actor) as he goes about his daily life, interacts with family and friends, and murders people before dumping their bodies in a reservoir. Darkly comic, after thirty years this NC-17 Cannes winner hasn't lost any of its shock value. It still packs a potent punch. Perhaps on the subject of how much responsibility filmmakers have with their subject, it's timelier than ever. GRADE: B+ 

PEARL

(Ti West, 2022)

West and actress Mia Goth collaborated on this prequel to this year's terrific slasher X, following the hopes and dreams and ax murders of a young Texas farmgirl. (A sequel to X, titled MaXXXine is currently in production and the trailer follows the credits of this.) Tonally different than its predecessor (is that what you call what came before the prequel?), Pearl is closer to an offbeat, slow burn character study. Goth, however, is working at GOAT-levels here. I can only hope some critics rally behind her at the end of the year for both her work in this and X. Also with David Corenswet as a movie projectionist/amateur pornographer. GRADE: B

ROAD KILL

(Dean Francis, 2010)

A quartet of young friends vacationing in the Australian Outback are run off the road by a seemingly driverless truck train. Stranded, they decide to steal the truck to drive it to safety but the truck begins to have a supernatural pull on them. I love me some road thrillers and hot Aussie actors, but this doesn't work at all. Mostly just silly silliness, with a lot of blood. With Xavier Samuel, Bob Morley, Sophie Lowe and Georgina Haig. GRADE: D+

SEE FOR ME

(Randall Okita, 2022)

Imagine the Audrey Hepburn film Wait Until Dark updated for the smartphone and gamer era. A blind former skier takes a job as a house (and cat!) sitter for a rich woman. At night, a group of criminals breaks in looking for a safe full of cash. The only way the woman can fight back is with the help of an app called "See For Me" that lets another person be her "eyes". Suspenseful with some clever character twists, it's also one of the first of a kind given the authentic casting of lead Skyler Davenport. Jessica Parker Kennedy is also well utilized as the veteran on the other end of the app. A little seen gem that hopefully more people discover in the coming years: GRADE: B+

WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING

(Sean King O'Grady, 2021)

I knew this was going to be a frustrating watch based on the trailer. It just reeked of one of those films that descends into nonsense before a VERY ABRUPT ending that cuts to a goofy song choice over the credits. Well... A bickering family sticks out a dangerous storm in their large bathroom. After the winds let up, a tree blocks their exit leaving them stuck for days. Ominous signs from outside indicate something awful might have happened, as the family slowly starts to turn on each other. The actors are good, and the set up is intriguing. But the more that's explained, the less interested I grew. The two developments that work (the snake and the person/animal tongue) quickly yield eyerolls. With Sierra McCormick, Pat Healey, and Vinessa Shaw. GRADE: C

Horrorfest 13: The Requel

Planned for this year: some Wes Craven anniversary revisits & the Poltergeist series, among others.  

BARBARIAN

(Zach Cregger, 2022)

Arriving late night at her Airbnb in the soaking rain, a young woman discovers the house has been mistakenly double booked and there's another guest already there. After some initial awkwardness, the two forge a bit of a connection before making a shocking discovery in the basement. That's all you need to know, as even the marketing has painstakingly kept the film's plotline a secret. A fun and darkly comedic ride, with fascinating characters and jolty twists. Don't spoil yourself! With Georgina Campbell, Bill Skarsgard, and Justin Long. GRADE: B+

THE BLACK PHONE

(Scott Derrickson, 2022)

I guess I'm just not a fan of Derrickson, as none of the films I've seen by him have worked for me. In the late 70's, a serial killer (Ethan Hawke) abducts a young teen and holds him captive in his basement. There, the kid begins getting calls on a black phone from the killer's previous victims who help the boy plan his escape. A hit when it was released this summer, the film didn't yield much suspense, and the supernatural aspects of the story made it feel like second rate Stephen King. Also with James Ransone and Jeremy Davies. GRADE: C

BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA

(Francis Ford Coppola, 1992)

This is a repeat viewing as I had seen this once before. I think it was in the late 90's, and the situation around my watching may not have been the best: low volume at my grandparents' house late at night. I kinda hated it, but had been meaning to give it a rewatch after all these years under better circumstances. There's no doubt this is probably one of the most visually stunning films ever made, with top notch costumes, production design, and makeup. Every aspect of the film is cranked up to 11, but I had a better appreciation for it this time. I still don't think it's a great film, but it is a solid good one. And damn if this isn't a stunner in high definition. It's worth it for the audio and visual elements alone. I've seen Keanu Reeves's performance here frequently sited on all-time Worst Of lists, but I thought he was fine? And literally fine, because it might be the best he's ever looked. Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, and Anthony Hopkins round out the cast. It's hard to watch this and not think of The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror parody. "His hairdo looks so queer." GRADE: B

FATAL ATTRACTION

(Adrian Lyne, 1987)

Would you believe I had never seen this? I'm not sure if this is the zeitgeisty adult thriller from which all the erotic thrillers of the late 80's and most of the 90's took their cue from, but it definitely set a high standard for them. Thanks to Lyne's direction, the smart screenplay, and the top notch cast, it still works after all these years despite a slew of imitators. Michael Douglas plays a New York City lawyer whose affair with an editor (Glenn Close, never better) turns dangerous after he tries to cut her out of his life. Ah, films for adults that have sex scenes. How I miss those! Close is fantastic here, as is Anne Archer as Douglas's wife. GRADE: A-

THE LOST BOYS

(Joel Schumacher, 1987)

I saw this 20 years ago at a screening held by drag queens who provided MST3K-esque commentary. ("Close your mouth, Corey!") Not an ideal first viewing, but at least it was entertaining. I forgot that this teen vampire film is actually about the Coreys (Feldman and Haim) trying to stop the vampires (led by Kiefer Sutherland) from taking over their sleepy California seaside town. I always thought it was more about Jason Patric's character getting involved with a very 80's vampire gang, but the other storyline is given more weight. The stories don't really mesh well, but at least there's a lot of man candy on display. Seriously, how hot were Patric and Billy Wirth back then? I guess Near Dark remains the (vastly) superior mid 80's vampire flick. With Jami Gertz (in a pathetically underwritten role) and a then newly minted Oscar-winner Dianne Wiest. GRADE: C

LOST HIGHWAY

(David Lynch, 1997)

Nightmarish 90's neo-noir about a jazz musician (Bill Pullman) who is framed for murdering his wife (Patricia Arquette), and then inexplicably becomes a young mechanic (Balthazar Getty) having an affair with a mobster's gal (Arquette, again). Sure, it's Lynch, so just go with it. Moody, with thrills aplenty, and great supporting work by Robert Loggia and Robert Blake. The former's hilarious scene on the road is the flipside of Blake's unnerving phone scene. Who knew Arquette had a body like that? Woah, and this is probably the only time I've found Pullman sexy. I prefer his son. Love the use of This Mortal Coil's "Song To the Siren", though I did not expect Lynch to be a Marilyn Manson fan. GRADE: B+ 

MARY

(Michael Goi, 2019)

Emily Mortimer and Gary Oldman star as a couple who take their family out to sea aboard a haunted vessel. Outside of shark and various other creature features, I don't think there are enough 'terror on the high seas' films, and what few exist are probably better than this. (Yes, even Ghost Ship.) Repetitive even for its scant 84 minute runtime, almost every scene has someone seeing a ghost, then running to other side of the boat and getting in an argument with a family member. Mortimer and Oldman are great actors, but their left completely, ahem, adrift. Also with Jennifer Esposito. GRADE: C-

OUTBACK

(Mike Green, 2020)

Based on a true story, this survival thriller follows an American couple in the Australian Outback who get lost and must deal with the elements. I thought that would mean more creatures, but it was more the vastness of the land getting them lost. I guess I was expecting something more along the lines of Wake In Fright or Long Weekend. Instead, it's like Wolf Creek if the killer never came along. It does work, though, especially in its depiction of the breakdown of their relationship. With Lauren Lofberg and Taylor Wiese. GRADE: B

THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN

(Alfonso Gomez-Rejon, 2014)

Meta semi-sequel to the 1970's slasher/docudrama about the "Texarkana Moonlight Murders" of the 1940's....Jesus H. Christ, did I really just type that? The original 1976 film was something I had tried for years to watch and finally got to see over the summer. I found it mostly disappointing, though it does have some seminal slasher moments. It was ultimately more of a procedural with goofy police moments. This follow-up picks up in present day where a copycat killer begins a rampage after a screening of the original film. Never really engaging or thrilling and perhaps too up its own ass over its legacy, this is just a reminder that someone should make a limited series or new feature about the original unsolved killings. With Addison Timlin, Veronica Cartwright, and Denis O'Hare. GRADE: C